Wedding reception question

[indimom]

Minnesota! We did that after our wedding 22 years ago. Rehearsal dinner Friday night in the church basement. Wedding Saturday with reception at a large VFW hall (plenty of seating, lol). Opened gifts Sunday in the church basement. Headed to our Honeymoon after that. No registries back then, and we received some cards, some gifts. It was mainly parents and siblings, but I do remember a couple aunts, uncles and cousins attended. Probably 40 people? It was a good way to get rid of some of the wedding leftovers.

 

[aprilgail]

I definitely wasn't into.it for my wedding. Just had my MIL over that day.

But, typically the parents of one of them gathers the gifts after the reception and brings them back to the house so the bride/groom do have to deal with it.

Then, the next day, the wedding party, parents, some close friends, gather for lunch, talking about.the night before, and the gifts are opened. Very lowkey, nice to actually get to chat since you don't get to at the wedding.

Today was chicken salad, croissants, fruit, leftover desserts from last night, some.drinks. Nice way to wind down a busy weekend.

Most of the people I know that got married leave right away the next day for their honeymoon so really would be no time to gather- between the reception, then the after party they just get right on the plane from there and go!

 

[sk!mom]

I've been to weddings with open bars, cash bars, no alcohol available and with beer and wine served and no other alcohol available. None of those bothered me at all or really seemed unusual at all. HOWEVER, I would think it was rude if alcohol were provided to some, but not all guests (of age, of course).

Congratulations! You've hit on the only way of handling alcohol at a reception that I would find offputting.

Just quoting because it was the last post to say this. But, yes, I agree that the description by Pandabear is about the only way of dealing with alcohol that I'd find off-putting. It is possible that at weddings that I've attended with cash bars the bride/groom did something similar (in that they covered the alcohol costs for a set of attendees but not all), but at least it wasn't done in an obvious way as in the wedding described. I don't care about alcohol (I don't actually drink) so it wouldn't be about the about the alcohol itself (not "OMG no free alcohol we aren't going") but about the bride/groom saying that alcohol is important enough to get for themselves and their inner circle, but not for anyone else (who clearly isn't important enough). I'd think the same thing if the bride, groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and parents of the bride/groom got a special "upgrade" menu or somesuch. It is not about the alcohol.

It is not something that I've ever hear of, to be honest.

We recently went to a wedding where this was the exact scenario. Beer and wine was served and a champagne toast but the bridal party/ table had a separate bar with mixed drink/liquor for them only. A few guests had the awkward moment of going to the bar and asking for a mixed drink since they saw the very large bridal party with them only to be told, sorry- beer and wine only for guests. I found it very rude.

Pretty much any other scenario is fine with me although I wouldn't do a cash bar.

 

[Minnesota!]

Most of the people I know that got married leave right away the next day for their honeymoon so really would be no time to gather- between the reception, then the after party they just get right on the plane from there and go!

Interesting - typically that happens a week or so after the wedding. The honeymoon from this weekends wedding doesn't happen till November, AAMOF.

I love hearing about all the different customs from around the country/world...opens your eyes to lots of things!

 

[Hikergirl]

Two things:

People who say no gifts, outside of cards, are given at the wedding...I assume, then, that you do not have gift opening parties the following day? That's how I spent my.day today, so it is fresh in my mind.

And, the favorite gift today? The boardgame Sequence. Came with some microwave popcorn, and giant bags of the bride and groom favorite candy.

Gifts are given at showers here, not weddings. Of course there are exceptions, but 99.9% of wedding gifts are in the form of cards with cash.
There is no next day opening party. Most people I know went on their honeymoon the next day.

 

[aprilgail]

We recently went to a wedding where this was the exact scenario. Beer and wine was served and a champagne toast but the bridal party/ table had a separate bar with mixed drink/liquor for them only. A few guests had the awkward moment of going to the bar and asking for a mixed drink since they saw the very large bridal party with them only to be told, sorry- beer and wine only for guests. I found it very rude.

.

That is about the rudest thing I have ever heard of- nothing like making people feel like second class! I can't believe anyone would find that acceptable! If I really couldn't afford open bar for all then it would be for none- I am just shaking my head over this one!

 

[Hikergirl]

That is about the rudest thing I have ever heard of- nothing like making people feel like second class! I can't believe anyone would find that acceptable! If I really couldn't afford open bar for all then it would be for none- I am just shaking my head over this one!

I agree, hate to throw out the word tacky, but that scenario is tacky with a capital T.

 

[adelaster]

It's threads like this that make me SO HAPPY we "eloped." On the day we made one of the biggest life commitments it was amazing to focus solely on that and that alone, without worrying about people. The thing about people is you legitimately can never please everybody. The room will always be too hot or too cold and someone will always be telling you how you should do it or how you should have done it. Ain't nobody got time for that. Weddings always look pretty in photo shoots but you know somebody's aunt is complaining and at least three guests are fussing over gifts and somebody had to spend more than they had to spend on something to wear... etc. etc. Sometimes I am in awe of what weddings have become. People tend to know more about fuss and flower arrangements than they know about marriage! At any rate, it must be exhausting to be conventional.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Two things:

People who say no gifts, outside of cards, are given at the wedding...I assume, then, that you do not have gift opening parties the following day? That's how I spent my.day today, so it is fresh in my mind.

And, the favorite gift today? The boardgame Sequence. Came with some microwave popcorn, and giant bags of the bride and groom favorite candy.

It's not that I haven't heard of that but that no one I know has done that. I have heard of and been to a couple of brunches the next day after a wedding though. It's a toss up if people leave for their honeymoon the day after their wedding (so no brunch usually) or if they have a buffer day (usually a brunch then). I have however been to a few weddings where those people didn't go on a honeymoon either due to finances or too busy with life. They still have not gone on a honeymoon years later.

For our wedding by the time we got home and finished getting all the little things packed we had an hour and a half of sleep before we were up and going to the airport and then going to our honeymoon.

We actually had the venue available to us from Friday around 6pm til Sunday around noon so what stuff (which there wasn't too much left) that didn't get picked up the night of our wedding was picked up on Sunday by our family members and part of the wedding party. They actually were the ones to return the chair and table linens that we had rented plus the tuxes that were rented, in-laws took the leftover food home with them plus the top tier of our cake (that had been saved for us rather than cutting it up), plus the leftover alcohol that was able to be returned (which would allow us a refund for the unopened bottles of wine and the unopened cases of beer and then they had to return the keg of the one beer but of course no refunds on that you just needed to return the keg itself), plus they brought over any gifts that we forgot or didn't get to fit in our car on the way home the night of our wedding. ETA: We also had a decent amount of gifts that were just mailed to our rental house rather than bringing to the wedding. While we were away on our honeymoon we gave the key to my mom who checked the mail for us and ensured any gifts were brought into the house that arrived while we were gone.

On an aside I love the game Sequence lol

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Gifts are given at showers here, not weddings. Of course there are exceptions, but 99.9% of wedding gifts are in the form of cards with cash.
There is no next day opening party. Most people I know went on their honeymoon the next day.

I actually was talking about this with my husband yesterday.

It's still very very common at all weddings I've been to to have gifts..every single one of them has had a wedding registry filled with pages of gifts and all have been from Bed Bath and Beyond plus some have also added Crate and Barrel or Target.

Over 4 years ago it was roughly 40% cash for us (includes gift cards too) and 60% gifts for us. Though I will say most was checks rather than straight cash and then around half of those checks I couldn't cash until I had changed my name because of how they were written..I also ran into problems because people assumed I straight up took my husband's name rather than hyphenated it. So checks written to Mr and (rather than OR) Mrs Aaron Mickelson couldn't be cashed until I changed my name BUT they also had issues because my married name is Click-Mickelson and luckily my bank allowed me to cash those checks made out the Mr and Mrs way but explained to me the only reason was why is because my bank account name had Click in it so they could verify Click and Click-Mickelson was actually the same person (even having my picture in my bank's database appearantly wasn't enough lol).

The gift cards we got were usually Bed Bath and Beyond, Target and Walmart. We never shop at Target and last September,over 3 1/2 years after having been married , I went and exchanged the gift cards from Target for Disney gift cards so I suppose we got usage out of them lol. I still have a decent amount of Bed Bath and Beyond gift cards that I use from time to time but even after having been in this current home for just about 3 years now the decorating isn't fully complete.

I will say though it all depends on the couple. Wedding registries are because you would love to get x,y,z but if you don't really have a need nor want for that stuff I can see where cash is what you would prefer.

 

[Hikergirl]

Are the wedding and shower registries the same, or do you do separate ones for each occasion?

When I got married I only got 2 gifts, but I did not have a shower registry since dh and I lived together before we got married. Our families did buy us all new stuff, that was much nicer than the hand-me down things and left over college apartment stuff we had.
Also, when I say cash I include checks too, I don't remember how many checks we got but we didn't even open the majority of our cards until we got back from our honeymoon.

 

[gillep]

Two things:

People who say no gifts, outside of cards, are given at the wedding...I assume, then, that you do not have gift opening parties the following day? That's how I spent my.day today, so it is fresh in my mind.

And, the favorite gift today? The boardgame Sequence. Came with some microwave popcorn, and giant bags of the bride and groom favorite candy.

No, I have never heard of a gift opening party. Like others have said, gifts are not typically given at weddings in my area. Gifts are typically for showers, any gifts that people do purchase for the wedding are also typically sent directly to the bride or groom in advance of their wedding, and only cards, with cash or checks, are brought to the actual event.

Also, every wedding I have been to in the past 3 years has involved quite a bit of travel for the bride and groom, as they typically have gotten married in their home town (well mostly bride's home town), even though they do not live there anymore, so it would never cross my mind to bring a gift in those circumstances, as then they would have to figure out how to get back home.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Are the wedding and shower registries the same, or do you do separate ones for each occasion?

Yes they are the same as far as I know (I wouldn't have gone to all bridal showers or couples showers depending on my relationship with the couple getting married so I can't be 100% certain for all weddings but that is typically the norm from my experience).

When I got married I only got 2 gifts, but I did not have a shower registry since dh and I lived together before we got married. Our families did buy us all new stuff, that was much nicer than the hand-me down things and left over college apartment stuff we had.

We had quite a bit of hand-me down things from college as well so our wedding registry included some things you could consider an upgrade as well as decor items and cooking things that we didn't have.

We had lived in separate apartments from the time we had moved out of the dorms in college (which was my junior year and his sophmore year) to when we had moved into the rental house about 1 1/2 months before we got married (we got married a few weeks before I turned 25 and a few months before my husband turned 24). We weren't even going to actually live with each other til we officially got married but a perfect rental house came up and we had to snag it (it did however mean that we were paying triple rent for a few months as my lease at my apartment was up in April-which is when we got married-and my husband's lease at his apartment wasn't up until July; breaking the leases would have cost much more than just paying the remainder of the months on them).

My cousin, who just got married at the beginning of August, had lived with his g/f (who became his fiance) for several years before they got married and she had a bridal shower same as I did (ETA: and her wedding registry was just at Bed Bath and Beyond like ours was).

Also, when I say cash I include checks too, I don't remember how many checks we got but we didn't even open the majority of our cards until we got back from our honeymoon.

I figured you meant cash and checks at the same time. We didn't open any of our gifts,cards or otherwise til we got back from our honeymoon. We had a 9 day honeymoon so when we came back just about all cards and gifts had arrived at the rental house by then if they had been mailed versus brought to the wedding.

 

[aprilgail]

Are the wedding and shower registries the same, or do you do separate ones for each occasion?

When I got married I only got 2 gifts, but I did not have a shower registry since dh and I lived together before we got married. Our families did buy us all new stuff, that was much nicer than the hand-me down things and left over college apartment stuff we had.
Also, when I say cash I include checks too, I don't remember how many checks we got but we didn't even open the majority of our cards until we got back from our honeymoon.

Shower and engagement parties have registries and get gifts- around here they don't have wedding registries since you don't give actual gifts for those, only cash and checks.

 

[Hikergirl]

Shower and engagement parties have registries and get gifts- around here they don't have wedding registries since you don't give actual gifts for those, only cash and checks.

That is why I was asking, we don't do gifts for weddings here either.
I know its called a "wedding registry" but here that really means a registry for your shower not your actual wedding.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Interesting about the variability in gift opening parties. I'Ve hoenstly only seen it twice:

firs time was DH's cousin. They had a very small get together at her parents' house hte next day to open gifts. I only recall the couple, her parents and an aunt and uncle visiting from out of state--plus they asked DH and I who lived locally and she specifically asked if I would mond keeping a list of who gave what so she could work on thank you notes while flying to her honeymoon the next day.

the other was my own. We had an afternoon wedding and a reception tea which was over by 5:00ish. My in laws suggested we have DH's siblings (all in from out of town) with spouses, my aunt and uncle from out of state and my parents to their house to open gifts that night. we ate leftovers and sat on the floor and chatted and opened things, it was fun and very casual. DH and I then headed to a B&B for the night and flew to the honemooy the next day (and worked on thank yous in flight too).

Niether was really a formal party, there were no invitations and hardly any added costs (we are leftovers--but maybe some more drinks were bought). It's one of my favourite memories of the day---all the stress and worry was over and it was just hanging out with people I loved a lot.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Where I'm from, gifts are common at a wedding. Most gifts are from people who didn't attend a shower. There's usually not a lot. Most people open them at some point, during the reception. Those who choose to watch can. They don't stop the entire reception for everyone to watch.

As for the other things mentioned, I've never been to a wedding that didn't have enough tables & seats for everyone. I have health issues, so we would unfortunately be forced to leave, if that ever happened. Most weddings from the area I grew up in don't serve alcohol, but I've been to one that served beer only & a couple that had an open bar. I've never seen a cash bar. All weddings have a variety of drinks that aren't alcoholic. My parents were anti-alcohol & DH's dad was a recovering alcoholic, so DH & I didn't offer alcohol at our wedding. Keeping peace in the family was more important than serving alcohol. Most weddings that I've been to are buffet. Very few are plated.

DH & I got married at 3:00 pm & provided several appetizers & finger foods for our guests. We had an assortment of foods, so everyone should have found things that appealed to them. I don't think anyone left hungry. My parents & sisters took the leftovers home & got together the next day to finish them. We saved the top layer of our cake for our 1st anniversary. We left the morning after our wedding for our honeymoon. Most people I know either left that night or the next day for their honeymoon.

Covering your plate isn't a thing at any of the weddings I've been to. I'd never even heard of that, until reading it on DISboards. We have been to a wedding, where we had to buy our own food. I'd take cake & ice cream over that anytime.

If nothing else, on these wedding threads, we've learned that different areas have different customs. We all need to realize that our way isn't the only way to do things. No one is right or wrong in this situation. People need to open their minds & realize their way isn't the only correct way to do things.

 

[ncc1701]

I've been to receptions with assigned seating, partially assigned (like the OP) and open seating. No problem with any of those. But, not ENOUGH seats to go around is really surprising to me. I've never been to a reception that didn't have enough seats. Yikes.

Same here. Been to a few small weddings with no assigned seats .In every case there was enough seats for everyone.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Interesting about the variability in gift opening parties. I'Ve hoenstly only seen it twice:

firs time was DH's cousin. They had a very small get together at her parents' house hte next day to open gifts. I only recall the couple, her parents and an aunt and uncle visiting from out of state--plus they asked DH and I who lived locally and she specifically asked if I would mond keeping a list of who gave what so she could work on thank you notes while flying to her honeymoon the next day.

the other was my own. We had an afternoon wedding and a reception tea which was over by 5:00ish. My in laws suggested we have DH's siblings (all in from out of town) with spouses, my aunt and uncle from out of state and my parents to their house to open gifts that night. we ate leftovers and sat on the floor and chatted and opened things, it was fun and very casual. DH and I then headed to a B&B for the night and flew to the honemooy the next day (and worked on thank yous in flight too).

Niether was really a formal party, there were no invitations and hardly any added costs (we are leftovers--but maybe some more drinks were bought). It's one of my favourite memories of the day---all the stress and worry was over and it was just hanging out with people I loved a lot.

I did what your sister did

We we went on our honeymoon a week later because I had a lot of out of town relatives and I did not want to rush to my honeymoon after they made the effort to travel to the wedding

 

[AppleDumpling]

I haven't been to any post-reception gift opening gatherings, since most wedding gifts here are cash/checks.

However, I was once at a wedding out of the area, where tangible gifts are the norm, and the B&G opened them during the reception, announcing who each one was from, while all the guests watched. A few of the gifts were sexy lingerie for the bride. It was really awkward.