Wedding reception question

[Disney Doll]

Look out.

There was an entire thread here, not long ago, about how horrible you are if you don't have an open bar.

Like you, we didn't serve (or pay for alcohol.) Yes, there was a bar downstairs. If you wanted a drink that bad, you could either go down yourself and get one, or you could request it of one of the servers.

My husband doesn't drink, nor did my parents. Seemed kind of crazy for either of them to pay for alcohol. We had plenty of water, soda, coffee and tea available.

And that's fine. At your wedding you didn't have any alcohol. I've been to weddings that had a cash bar, so guests paid. For everything...including soda. And it was part of the wedding. Not a bar in another area of the restaurant/banquet hall where people who really/needed wanted a drink could go seek one out.

 

[Disney Doll]

At our wedding, We didn't serve or have alcohol at our wedding except for the table with bride, groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and parents of the bride/groom. Just water, coffee, tea, and sparkling non-alcoholic cider for rest of the guests. If they wanted a drink they could go to the bar next door and purchase one.
Some people might be like OMG no free alcohol we aren't going. Me and my wife decided this to save money and to weed out the family/friends who don't care about the wedding or the couple, but only care about the free alcohol and food. It worked, we had 7 groups of guests that denied our invites and made explicit in notes that not attending due to not having a hosted bar or super fancy food (we had buffet style meats + sides).

So you were OK paying for alcohol for only the chosen few? That strikes me as rude.

 

[awalker1015]

Where I grew up (and live now), seated dinners for weddings are uncommon, as are assigned seats thankfully. At least when I got married 15 years ago that was the case. And no, it's not to cut costs as these can be just as $$ as a seated meal with the open bar. Receptions here are usually cocktail buffets with open bars and guests eat at their leisure, speeches and toasts are done at the rehearsal dinner. The reception is mostly a big party and seating isn't an issue because people aren't all eating at the same time and it's more about dancing and mingling.

 

[shoney]

Here on Long Island we have a million catering halls. Standard package is full open bar for 5 hours. Cocktail hour of pass along stuff, carving, stir fry and pasta stations. Followed by 4 hour reception with multi course sit down dinner. Most cost around the same. Add ons of dessert carts and tables and after parties do exist.

You can pretty much expect the same thing at any of these places.

Money is given either cash or check.

There really is not a guessing game when u get an invitation as to what u can expect.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Here on Long Island we have a million catering halls. Standard package is full open bar for 5 hours. Cocktail hour of pass along stuff, carving, stir fry and pasta stations. Followed by 4 hour reception with multi course sit down dinner. Most cost around the same. Add ons of dessert carts and tables and after parties do exist.

You can pretty much expect the same thing at any of these places.

Money is given either cash or check.

There really is not a guessing game when u get an invitation as to what u can expect.

I would think it's not a guessing game for most of us. Most people follow the culture they grew up in. If you attend a wedding in a different area, with a different culture, you need to be prepared for things to be different.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

At our wedding, We didn't serve or have alcohol at our wedding except for the table with bride, groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and parents of the bride/groom. Just water, coffee, tea, and sparkling non-alcoholic cider for rest of the guests. If they wanted a drink they could go to the bar next door and purchase one.
Some people might be like OMG no free alcohol we aren't going. Me and my wife decided this to save money and to weed out the family/friends who don't care about the wedding or the couple, but only care about the free alcohol and food. It worked, we had 7 groups of guests that denied our invites and made explicit in notes that not attending due to not having a hosted bar or super fancy food (we had buffet style meats + sides).

I totally get it. Weddings are expensive and sometimes you have to make hard choices about whom among your friends and family is deserving of a bottle of wine.

Not to brag, but our wedding was pretty swank, so we, too, needed to find a way to weed out the moochers. Instead of having gondolas ferry everybody to the private island, we reserved the gondolas for just ourselves, our parents, and the bridal party. Everyone else was expected to swim across the crocodile-infested waters to the island. Some people were like, "Omg, what about my limbs, my skull, my life?" but we stuck to our guns because we needed to know who truly cared to celebrate with us versus who just wanted free booze on a private island under the stars. Sure, we had to pay the coroner overtime, and we're all going to miss Meemaw, but it was the right decision for us.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I totally get it. Weddings are expensive and sometimes you have to make hard choices about whom among your friends and family is deserving of a bottle of wine.

Not to brag, but our wedding was pretty swank, so we, too, needed to find a way to weed out the moochers. Instead of having gondolas ferry everybody to the private island, we reserved the gondolas for just ourselves, our parents, and the bridal party. Everyone else was expected to swim across the crocodile-infested waters to the island. Some people were like, "Omg, what about my limbs, my skull, my life?" but we stuck to our guns because we needed to know who truly cared to celebrate with us versus who just wanted free booze on a private island under the stars. Sure, we had to pay the coroner overtime, and we're all going to miss Meemaw, but it was the right decision for us.

 

[shoney]

I would think it's not a guessing game for most of us. Most people follow the culture they grew up in. If you attend a wedding in a different area, with a different culture, you need to be prepared for things to be different.

lol I was responding to someone who said they didnt know what to expect. Didn't quote the post and now can't find it! I may blame the open bar in my house.

 

[ronandannette]

I agree, hate to throw out the word tacky, but that scenario is tacky with a capital T.

I agree, and I'm tolerant of almost anything etiquette-wise, even though I'd often not do the same myself. This example though, is beyond the pale.

I haven't been to any post-reception gift opening gatherings, since most wedding gifts here are cash/checks.

However, I was once at a wedding out of the area, where tangible gifts are the norm, and the B&G opened them during the reception, announcing who each one was from, while all the guests watched. A few of the gifts were sexy lingerie for the bride. It was really awkward.

Things change, and I haven't seen it done for a long while, but for generations this was the custom in my hometown. Dinner was always at 6:00 and the dance always started at 10:00 - in between, after the meal and speeches were done the bridal couple would open all the gifts in the middle of the hall and anyone who was interested would watch, and take a look at the stuff. The cards were left with the packages so everybody could see who gave what! It sounds absurd now but I've got great memories as a small child of all the kids at the wedding playing around in the sea of wrapping paper that accumulated on the floor.

 

[NotUrsula]

Well yeah, you wouldn't want to give one at every wedding. And if you'd read my post more carefully, you'd see I wasn't advocating everyone go out and give food baskets. But the people that gave it to us put some thought into where we were going that night, how far the drive was, and they knew we could use it. They were right and we really appreciated it. You can turn your nose up but it doesn't change that it was a good gift and much appreciated.

And again, another regional difference. Where I was raised you *do* give one at every wedding, or more accurately, you *get* one. It is a standard freebie prepared by the caterer. It is known as the "Bride's Box", and a caterer that didn't include one would go out of business before they ever got off the ground. It is normally set up in a pair of cake boxes that are placed one inside the other and insulated with a whole lot of paper shreds, then filled with containers of all of the foods that were offered at the reception, plus two wrapped slices of both cakes, a bottle of champagne, a corkscrew and disposable picnic plates/glasses/utensils. (It's usually quite large, so the best man is usually roped in to make sure it gets placed in the getaway vehicle if there is one.) To this day my DH remembers it fondly as one of his favorite parts of getting married!

Also, while we do give wrapped gifts, it's considered preferable to send them to the bride prior to the wedding date, so that no one has to deal with keeping them secure at the reception. Thus, it's not possible for anyone to decide to lower the value of the gift after the fact.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

And again, another regional difference. Where I was raised you *do* give one at every wedding, or more accurately, you *get* one. It is a standard freebie prepared by the caterer. It is known as the "Bride's Box", and a caterer that didn't include one would go out of business before they ever got off the ground. It is normally set up in a pair of cake boxes that are placed one inside the other and insulated with a whole lot of paper shreds, then filled with containers of all of the foods that were offered at the reception, plus two wrapped slices of both cakes, a bottle of champagne, a corkscrew and disposable picnic plates/glasses/utensils. (It's usually quite large, so the best man is usually roped in to make sure it gets placed in the getaway vehicle if there is one.) To this day my DH remembers it fondly as one of his favorite parts of getting married!

Also, while we do give wrapped gifts, it's considered preferable to send them to the bride prior to the wedding date, so that no one has to deal with keeping them secure at the reception. Thus, it's not possible for anyone to decide to lower the value of the gift after the fact.

The Bride's Box sounds awesome. I've never heard of that before. Where do you live?

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I totally get it. Weddings are expensive and sometimes you have to make hard choices about whom among your friends and family is deserving of a bottle of wine.

Not to brag, but our wedding was pretty swank, so we, too, needed to find a way to weed out the moochers. Instead of having gondolas ferry everybody to the private island, we reserved the gondolas for just ourselves, our parents, and the bridal party. Everyone else was expected to swim across the crocodile-infested waters to the island. Some people were like, "Omg, what about my limbs, my skull, my life?" but we stuck to our guns because we needed to know who truly cared to celebrate with us versus who just wanted free booze on a private island under the stars. Sure, we had to pay the coroner overtime, and we're all going to miss Meemaw, but it was the right decision for us.

Well you know how it is. You're swimming across, the crocs are gaining so you have to find a boat with a slow swimmer in it to tip over. But she almost made it. Had they not eaten the gondolier she whacked with a paddle so fast, they'd have never caught her.

 

[NotUrsula]

I don't live there now, but I grew up in the Deep South; specifically, the more French part of Louisiana. AFAIK, Bride's Boxes are pretty standard throughout the Deep South and south Texas, though they may have a different name for them in different areas.

It isn't a true freebie, of course, in the respect that the couple or their parents have paid for the food and drink, but normally it is not charged as two extra plates. It is just portioned out as part of what was paid for, but it acknowledges that the bridal couple very seldom actually get to eat at their own party because they are too busy running around greeting all of their guests. Making up a generous picnic box for them is just a really nice way to thank them for their business and make sure that they do get to share in all of the good food that they paid for.

Let's see ... it's been 27 years, but as I recall, ours included champagne, slices of both wedding cakes, a pint each of crab mornay and spinach madeleine, a half-dozen or so each of stuffed mushrooms, sliced sausage, glazed meatballs, cold shrimp, and beef ravioli; a few chicken wings, a small packet of cold sliced ham, roast beef and cheese, raw veggies, a couple of bread rolls, some condiment packets and lots of butter crackers. It was a very substantial picnic for two.

 

[indimom]

I haven't been to any post-reception gift opening gatherings, since most wedding gifts here are cash/checks.

However, I was once at a wedding out of the area, where tangible gifts are the norm, and the B&G opened them during the reception, announcing who each one was from, while all the guests watched. A few of the gifts were sexy lingerie for the bride. It was really awkward.

I would have found that a little awkward too. I was embarrassed to open gifts like that at my 'all women' bridal shower - I mean I was always a bit shy; but, seriously, that's my future MIL and my grammy over there....
BUT, I can do you one better. I went to a reception, and during the speeches, the best man started making "references" toward prior relationships of the couple, then at some point, guys started coming up to the bridal table and returning housekeys. I get that it was a joke, but seriously, they included her uncles and other relatives in the gag.... uh, gross.

 

[indimom]

I don't live there now, but I grew up in the Deep South; specifically, the more French part of Louisiana. AFAIK, Bride's Boxes are pretty standard throughout the Deep South and south Texas, though they may have a different name for them in different areas.

It isn't a true freebie, of course, in the respect that the couple or their parents have paid for the food and drink, but normally it is not charged as two extra plates. It is just portioned out as part of what was paid for, but it acknowledges that the bridal couple very seldom actually get to eat at their own party because they are too busy running around greeting all of their guests. Making up a generous picnic box for them is just a really nice way to thank them for their business and make sure that they do get to share in all of the good food that they paid for.

Let's see ... it's been 27 years, but as I recall, ours included champagne, slices of both wedding cakes, a pint each of crab mornay and spinach madeleine, a half-dozen or so each of stuffed mushrooms, sliced sausage, glazed meatballs, cold shrimp, and beef ravioli; a few chicken wings, a small packet of cold sliced ham, roast beef and cheese, raw veggies, a couple of bread rolls, some condiment packets and lots of butter crackers. It was a very substantial picnic for two.

That sounds amazing! I've never heard of that custom, but I like it!

 

[Southernmiss]

I don't live there now, but I grew up in the Deep South; specifically, the more French part of Louisiana. AFAIK, Bride's Boxes are pretty standard throughout the Deep South and south Texas, though they may have a different name for them in different areas.

It isn't a true freebie, of course, in the respect that the couple or their parents have paid for the food and drink, but normally it is not charged as two extra plates. It is just portioned out as part of what was paid for, but it acknowledges that the bridal couple very seldom actually get to eat at their own party because they are too busy running around greeting all of their guests. Making up a generous picnic box for them is just a really nice way to thank them for their business and make sure that they do get to share in all of the good food that they paid for.

Let's see ... it's been 27 years, but as I recall, ours included champagne, slices of both wedding cakes, a pint each of crab mornay and spinach madeleine, a half-dozen or so each of stuffed mushrooms, sliced sausage, glazed meatballs, cold shrimp, and beef ravioli; a few chicken wings, a small packet of cold sliced ham, roast beef and cheese, raw veggies, a couple of bread rolls, some condiment packets and lots of butter crackers. It was a very substantial picnic for two.

Bride's box is still a thing. Ds and dil just had one a month ago. All other leftover food was divided between their parents.

 

[NotUrsula]

That sounds amazing! I've never heard of that custom, but I like it!

I think y'all need to start a new tradition!

Seriously, if you are dropping many thousands of dollars on catering, packing a nice picnic box for two is something that the caterer should be willing to do out of the food that you paid for. I recommend that if you are planning a wedding and you would like one -- ask. Who knows, your caterer may thank you for the boost in their reputation for customer service when you gush about how nice it was to be able to open that box and have a cozy little picnic.