Wedding reception question

[quandrea]

To clarify, we never thought the basket odd in a bad way. Not the usual gift but they knew the area where we were going and when and knew we'd need it. They told us to take it with us or we'd have just put it with the other presents. A great gift with careful thought put into it. I think the poster you responded to was indeed thinking ill of it. Meh. So be it. We didn't. We were happy with the gift. I remember a thread awhile back about a story where some bridezilla sent a nasty note to one of her guests regarding the insufficiency of her present. I'm not sure if it ended up being true or a hoax.
Ahhh Here it is.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/02/wedding-gift_n_3535780.html
Oh and there's a link within the story to one where two bridezillas were unhappy with their gift basket. HAHHAHA. That dust up is a doozy.

We did go to a wedding where it was pretty much cake, ice cream, those little candy things some punch, and some cookies. I think they had some strawberries too. It's all they could afford. It was the middle of the day about 3pm. So nobody needed a meal. We didn't look down on them for it and thought it was nice. Nor did we say oh wait, that's about $5 a plate. So we're taking our gift back and getting a $5 gift.

Exactly. Do what you can afford. If it's cake and coffee do be it. The important part is the couple gets married. I've never understood when people say, "We can't afford to get married." It's not about the big party. It's about the marriage.

 

[mom2rtk]

Exactly. Do what you can afford. If it's cake and coffee do be it. The important part is the couple gets married. I've never understood when people say, "We can't afford to get married." It's not about the big party. It's about the marriage.

Agreed. I probably wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was so judgy about a social event like a wedding anyway.

 

[quandrea]

Agreed. I probably wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was so judgy about a social event like a wedding anyway.

Me neither. Truth be told, I enjoyed the low key weddings I've attended over the splashy extravaganzas.

 

[Marchand63]

I figured it out. We keep picnic/camping chairs in our vehicles. I think just get them, one has a really cool table attached, although the canopy might draw attention

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

You said covering your plate is a myth, and maybe it is where you live. I assure you, it is no myth where I live. Cultural norms differ everywhere, you can only really state what is typical where you live, not everywhere. I've never been to a wedding here where alcohol has not been served (free). Is it fair to me to say that dry weddings are a myth?

Well the norms are different outside the United States. And having been to quite a few, I use the when in Rome rule. But we're not really talking about foreign weddings. So that isn't germane to my discussion. The manners experts are all very clear on the subject. Here in the U.S. There is absolutely no requirement to cover ones plate. If one chooses to do so, that's fine. But there is no requirement to cover one's plate and a couple should not expect to recoup the costs of their reception in gifts. It was their choice as to how much to pay for a reception. Not their guests. Nobody held a gun to their heads and said pay for a lavish reception they can't afford. That was their decision. And it is their guests decision how much to spend on a gift. It is a gift, not a payment for services. Thus the cover your plate rule isn't a rule at all. It's one optional guideline among many. Nothing more. And it would be considered BM (Bad Manners) to impose it as a rule.

 

[surfgirl]

Exactly. Do what you can afford. If it's cake and coffee do be it. The important part is the couple gets married. I've never understood when people say, "We can't afford to get married." It's not about the big party. It's about the marriage.

In principle, I agree. However, weddings make people go crazy. My sil was "insulted" that my family didn't attend my nieces' wedding... but she never stopped and thought for a minute.
(1) it was our kids' spring break and the only time - as a family - we could go away. And I don't just mean during the school year, I have kids in intensive sports and vacations are frowned upon in summer.
(2) they changed the location from a place within driving distance to a place we could only fly to (and flights were NOT cheap to that location).... and a 3 hour drive after the flight.
(3) it was March in a northern climate. 'nuf said.
(4) it was cake and cookies. We would have spent more on our family of 5 people to fly there, rent a car, stay overnight 2 nights ... than they did on the entire wedding and reception. Talk about covering your plate! Instead we gave a generous gift.
(5) no alcohol, because they were "opposed"... however.... (see below)

Ironically, it was cake and cookies in the afternoon... "everyone" then went out to eat to their favorite local Mexican place in town. And yes, the bride went in full wedding gown. Basically, it became a cash wedding with everyone paying their own meal. And alcholol? Plenty of it was drunk at dinner. I think the only "opposed" part of it was the paying for it.

So she can do what she wants for her wedding. But let me make the decision whether or not to come. And if it is a casual wedding, then I will respond casually...

 

[quandrea]

In principle, I agree. However, weddings make people go crazy. My sil was "insulted" that my family didn't attend my nieces' wedding... but she never stopped and thought for a minute.
(1) it was our kids' spring break and the only time - as a family - we could go away. And I don't just mean during the school year, I have kids in intensive sports and vacations are frowned upon in summer.
(2) they changed the location from a place within driving distance to a place we could only fly to (and flights were NOT cheap to that location).... and a 3 hour drive after the flight.
(3) it was March in a northern climate. 'nuf said.
(4) it was cake and cookies. We would have spent more on our family of 5 people to fly there, rent a car, stay overnight 2 nights ... than they did on the entire wedding and reception. Talk about covering your plate! Instead we gave a generous gift.
(5) no alcohol, because they were "opposed"... however.... (see below)

Ironically, it was cake and cookies in the afternoon... "everyone" then went out to eat to their favorite local Mexican place in town. And yes, the bride went in full wedding gown. Basically, it became a cash wedding with everyone paying their own meal. And alcholol? Plenty of it was drunk at dinner. I think the only "opposed" part of it was the paying for it.

So she can do what she wants for her wedding. But let me make the decision whether or not to come. And if it is a casual wedding, then I will respond casually...

Weddings do make some people crazy. In your case described, it was a true case of the bride being self centred and a poor host. An invitation is not a command. You had every right to decline. Her being offended is ridiculous, but speaks to her me, me, me attitude. Poor host.

 

[NHdisneylover]

At our wedding, We didn't serve or have alcohol at our wedding except for the table with bride, groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and parents of the bride/groom. Just water, coffee, tea, and sparkling non-alcoholic cider for rest of the guests. If they wanted a drink they could go to the bar next door and purchase one.
Some people might be like OMG no free alcohol we aren't going. Me and my wife decided this to save money and to weed out the family/friends who don't care about the wedding or the couple, but only care about the free alcohol and food. It worked, we had 7 groups of guests that denied our invites and made explicit in notes that not attending due to not having a hosted bar or super fancy food (we had buffet style meats + sides).

I've been to weddings with open bars, cash bars, no alcohol available and with beer and wine served and no other alcohol available. None of those bothered me at all or really seemed unusual at all. HOWEVER, I would think it was rude if alcohol were provided to some, but not all guests (of age, of course).

Congratulations! You've hit on the only way of handling alcohol at a reception that I would find offputting.

 

[SirDuff]

I've been to weddings with open bars, cash bars, no alcohol available and with beer and wine served and no other alcohol available. None of those bothered me at all or really seemed unusual at all. HOWEVER, I would think it was rude if alcohol were provided to some, but not all guests (of age, of course).

Congratulations! You've hit on the only way of handling alcohol at a reception that I would find offputting.

Just quoting because it was the last post to say this. But, yes, I agree that the description by Pandabear is about the only way of dealing with alcohol that I'd find off-putting. It is possible that at weddings that I've attended with cash bars the bride/groom did something similar (in that they covered the alcohol costs for a set of attendees but not all), but at least it wasn't done in an obvious way as in the wedding described. I don't care about alcohol (I don't actually drink) so it wouldn't be about the about the alcohol itself (not "OMG no free alcohol we aren't going") but about the bride/groom saying that alcohol is important enough to get for themselves and their inner circle, but not for anyone else (who clearly isn't important enough). I'd think the same thing if the bride, groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and parents of the bride/groom got a special "upgrade" menu or somesuch. It is not about the alcohol.

It is not something that I've ever hear of, to be honest.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Just quoting because it was the last post to say this. But, yes, I agree that the description by Pandabear is about the only way of dealing with alcohol that I'd find off-putting. It is possible that at weddings that I've attended with cash bars the bride/groom did something similar (in that they covered the alcohol costs for a set of attendees but not all), but at least it wasn't done in an obvious way as in the wedding described. I don't care about alcohol (I don't actually drink) so it wouldn't be about the about the alcohol itself (not "OMG no free alcohol we aren't going") but about the bride/groom saying that alcohol is important enough to get for themselves and their inner circle, but not for anyone else (who clearly isn't important enough). I'd think the same thing if the bride, groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids, and parents of the bride/groom got a special "upgrade" menu or somesuch. It is not about the alcohol.

It is not something that I've ever hear of, to be honest.

I agree it's not about alcohol-----I tend to order Coke or water myself---as you say, it is about the message being sent that only certain guests are worth added effort/cost.

 

[DVC-Don]

Both of my kids got married within the past 9 months and all seating was assigned.

 

[karmic]

Wow-love me a DIS wedding thread- feels like an episode of 4 Weddings. Miss a "My Kid was'nt invited to the wedding". Those were always entertaining !!!
,

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Update on the basket we got. My spouse says the basket alone was $15. The stuff in it probably added $20 more and it would probably cost about $60 today all told. All I know is we loved it. Feast your eyes on this those of you who were itching all these years for me to make a mistake. You'll not see another in your lifetimes.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

To clarify, we never thought the basket odd in a bad way. Not the usual gift but they knew the area where we were going and when and knew we'd need it. They told us to take it with us or we'd have just put it with the other presents. A great gift with careful thought put into it. I think the poster you responded to was indeed thinking ill of it. Meh. So be it. We didn't. We were happy with the gift. I remember a thread awhile back about a story where some bridezilla sent a nasty note to one of her guests regarding the insufficiency of her present. I'm not sure if it ended up being true or a hoax.
Ahhh Here it is.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/02/wedding-gift_n_3535780.html
Oh and there's a link within the story to one where two bridezillas were unhappy with their gift basket. HAHHAHA. That dust up is a doozy.

We did go to a wedding where it was pretty much cake, ice cream, those little candy things some punch, and some cookies. I think they had some strawberries too. It's all they could afford. It was the middle of the day about 3pm. So nobody needed a meal. We didn't look down on them for it and thought it was nice. Nor did we say oh wait, that's about $5 a plate. So we're taking our gift back and getting a $5 gift.

I really didn't think you thought the basket was odd in a bad way but I also didn't think you thought it was odd to begin with but I was attempting to give the other poster the benefit of the doubt in my full understanding of your comment.

I honestly think that's a very thoughtful gift you got.

I always wonder about those types of stories you hear if people are for real or what but sometimes it's like "I really hope people really aren't like that"

And yes I do agree with you on the wedding gift part for that wedding you went to.

It's all been very interesting throughout various wedding threads here on the DIS that's for sure

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I figured it out. We keep picnic/camping chairs in our vehicles. I think just get them, one has a really cool table attached, although the canopy might draw attention

The canopy will help in dodging that bouquet.

 

[Minnesota!]

Two things:

People who say no gifts, outside of cards, are given at the wedding...I assume, then, that you do not have gift opening parties the following day? That's how I spent my.day today, so it is fresh in my mind.

And, the favorite gift today? The boardgame Sequence. Came with some microwave popcorn, and giant bags of the bride and groom favorite candy.

 

[nicolita3]

Two things:

People who say no gifts, outside of cards, are given at the wedding...I assume, then, that you do not have gift opening parties the following day? That's how I spent my.day today, so it is fresh in my mind.

And, the favorite gift today? The boardgame Sequence. Came with some microwave popcorn, and giant bags of the bride and groom favorite candy.

I've never heard of a gift opening party..after our wedding my parents took our gifts back to their house and the next day DH and I went over and opened them. It was just me, my parents, and DH.

 

[aprilgail]

Two things:

People who say no gifts, outside of cards, are given at the wedding...I assume, then, that you do not have gift opening parties the following day? That's how I spent my.day today, so it is fresh in my mind.

And, the favorite gift today? The boardgame Sequence. Came with some microwave popcorn, and giant bags of the bride and groom favorite candy.

Never heard of a gift opening party- not something I would want to attend- its enough at the shower sitting there for 2+ hours of gift opening and ohhing and ahhing at each gift.

 

[Minnesota!]

I've never heard of a gift opening party..after our wedding my parents took our gifts back to their house and the next day DH and I went over and opened them. It was just me, my parents, and DH.

Never heard of a gift opening party- not something I would want to attend- its enough at the shower sitting there for 2+ hours of gift opening and ohhing and ahhing at each gift.

I definitely wasn't into.it for my wedding. Just had my MIL over that day.

But, typically the parents of one of them gathers the gifts after the reception and brings them back to the house so the bride/groom do have to deal with it.

Then, the next day, the wedding party, parents, some close friends, gather for lunch, talking about.the night before, and the gifts are opened. Very lowkey, nice to actually get to chat since you don't get to at the wedding.

Today was chicken salad, croissants, fruit, leftover desserts from last night, some.drinks. Nice way to wind down a busy weekend.

 

[ronandannette]

I've never heard of a gift opening party..after our wedding my parents took our gifts back to their house and the next day DH and I went over and opened them. It was just me, my parents, and DH.

They were big here for a period of time about 20 years ago and were most often an open-house reception at one of the parents' house the day after the wedding. (We probably would have had one except we requested no gifts because it was a second marriage for both of us.)

I haven't heard of one being done for a long time now though. I think maybe because people now either purchase gifts off of registries for delivery, or give cards with cash. Nothing much to be opened nowadays.