How fast it all changed.

[Happyinwonerland]

Rodeo, I am so sorry to hear that. I know there are probably no words that can help you right now, but we are all here pulling for you and your Dh, ready to be your cheerleaders and supporters.

 

[sk!mom]

I'm so sorry! Prayers for your family.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Rodeo, so very sorry for the news. Know that we are here to support you, any way we can. Come back often.

 

[mamamary]

So sorry for this news

 

[Tattylou]

I just read through all of this - I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can't even imagine what it must be like.

 

[Bren's Mom]

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, and I'm sending prayers and hugs. That must be awful for all of you, very scary.

I did want to share one piece of advice: Don't keep things from your kids. I am heavily involved in a non-profit which sends families with a sick parent (life-threatening illnesses) on trips. I've seen too many times parents choose to keep the truth from their children, and then things take unexpected turns and their children are left with no time to process. They think, at the time, they're helping, keeping them from not being stressed, but the reality is kids know whether you tell them or not. A therapist/social worker can help with words for this, how much to tell them, etc. But overall it's good to be honest with them in an age-appropriate way. They need time to work things out, just like us adults do.

 

[J'aime Paris]

I'm sorry to hear this news, rodeo65.

I've lost 2 close friends already in 2018...
*uc* Cancer!!!

 

[SirDuff]

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, and I'm sending prayers and hugs. That must be awful for all of you, very scary.

I did want to share one piece of advice: Don't keep things from your kids. I am heavily involved in a non-profit which sends families with a sick parent (life-threatening illnesses) on trips. I've seen too many times parents choose to keep the truth from their children, and then things take unexpected turns and their children are left with no time to process. They think, at the time, they're helping, keeping them from not being stressed, but the reality is kids know whether you tell them or not. A therapist/social worker can help with words for this, how much to tell them, etc. But overall it's good to be honest with them in an age-appropriate way. They need time to work things out, just like us adults do.

I second this. My mom had breast cancer when I was younger (I was 18 months when she was first diagnosed and 18 years when she died - a number of "bouts" with the disease in between). I used to sneak into their bathroom when they were out, copy down the names of the drugs she was one, and then research them in the library to try to figure out exactly what was going on and how sick she was. For me, part of it was thinking that I'd cause my parents too much stress if I asked too many questions.

 

[fhtpdw20]

Hang it there. As I said in my last post, you still have good and meaningful days ahead. There will still be victories to celebrate. None of use comes stamped with a use by date and believe it or not we are all terminal. After everyone has had some time to process this life changing event, whether it is months or years, don't shy away from talking it out. Also, you never know who you will meet because of this and would never have met any other way.
We made small goals like "I want this holiday to make this memory" or "after my counts get to this level, we are going to do x." We made long-term goals we knew he probably would make, but it gave DH something positive to look forward to. If this is terminal, talk about what he wants to do and what he wants for you. Believe me it will help with the grief process later when it comes to that. Need an ear, PM me. It may be a bit before I get back to you, but I will respond.

 

[Music City Mama]

I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you, your husband, and your kids -- sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

 

[anniemae]

Oh my dear, I am so very very sorry. Please feel free to vent on this thread, we are here for you if need support, an encouraging word, or a distraction. Sending hugs and positive thoughts.

 

[bethy]

 

[rodeo65]

Today was insanely hectic! Garbage day that I forgot about so had to run around collecting to try to get ahead of the trucks. I won that one. Meeting at the hospital with the social worker. Meeting at the school. Meeting with the family doctor (at the practice) who seems to be able to put everything together for me better than the internist has been able to do. Meeting back at the hospital with an oncology NP. Go back out to get DH food because he actually wants to eat something for a change and hates the food "inside." Pick up son from work. Collapse.

The bad news of the day is that the tissue samples from the biopsy were inadequate for all of the testing they need to do to determine origin, although they believe origin to be pancreas. This means DH has to undergo another biopsy tomorrow. They are also doing an endoscopy, which I am actually happy about because his voice is weird. It has been for about a month. Raspy and whispery. So I'm glad they're scoping to have a look. It worries me though, because where else might it be?

The good news was his heart has stabilised on beta blockers to the point they have removed the monitor. He was really happy to be free from his "buddy." And the doctor is discussing discharge, possibly early next week and when talking about it said this was not discharging him to go home for palliative care, they expect to have a treatment plan and for him to fight it. I so hope it hasn't advanced too far! This is hopefully what a second biopsy will tell.

 

[ronandannette]

Today was insanely hectic! Garbage day that I forgot about so had to run around collecting to try to get ahead of the trucks. I won that one. Meeting at the hospital with the social worker. Meeting at the school. Meeting with the family doctor (at the practice) who seems to be able to put everything together for me better than the internist has been able to do. Meeting back at the hospital with an oncology NP. Go back out to get DH food because he actually wants to eat something for a change and hates the food "inside." Pick up son from work. Collapse.

The bad news of the day is that the tissue samples from the biopsy were inadequate for all of the testing they need to do to determine origin, although they believe origin to be pancreas. This means DH has to undergo another biopsy tomorrow. They are also doing an endoscopy, which I am actually happy about because his voice is weird. It has been for about a month. Raspy and whispery. So I'm glad they're scoping to have a look. It worries me though, because where else might it be?

The good news was his heart has stabilised on beta blockers to the point they have removed the monitor. He was really happy to be free from his "buddy." And the doctor is discussing discharge, possibly early next week and when talking about it said this was not discharging him to go home for palliative care, they expect to have a treatment plan and for him to fight it. I so hope it hasn't advanced too far! This is hopefully what a second biopsy will tell.

"Liking" your post doesn't seem quite appropriate, but I wanted to let you know I'm following and you're on my mind.

 

[antmaril]

Thank you all for your support. Biopsy results came back today. Cancer. Pancreas and liver. That's all I know right now.

I am sorry to hear this news. Thinking of you, your husband and your entire family.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Today was insanely hectic! Garbage day that I forgot about so had to run around collecting to try to get ahead of the trucks. I won that one. Meeting at the hospital with the social worker. Meeting at the school. Meeting with the family doctor (at the practice) who seems to be able to put everything together for me better than the internist has been able to do. Meeting back at the hospital with an oncology NP. Go back out to get DH food because he actually wants to eat something for a change and hates the food "inside." Pick up son from work. Collapse.

The bad news of the day is that the tissue samples from the biopsy were inadequate for all of the testing they need to do to determine origin, although they believe origin to be pancreas. This means DH has to undergo another biopsy tomorrow. They are also doing an endoscopy, which I am actually happy about because his voice is weird. It has been for about a month. Raspy and whispery. So I'm glad they're scoping to have a look. It worries me though, because where else might it be?

The good news was his heart has stabilised on beta blockers to the point they have removed the monitor. He was really happy to be free from his "buddy." And the doctor is discussing discharge, possibly early next week and when talking about it said this was not discharging him to go home for palliative care, they expect to have a treatment plan and for him to fight it. I so hope it hasn't advanced too far! This is hopefully what a second biopsy will tell.

Looking at some of the positives - I am really glad you have the good support of your primary care physician. That's huge! And it sounds like your DH is getting decent care in the hospital. (Complaining about the food is actually a good sign! It means someone can eat!) Appetite is better, and heart rate has stabilized. Good! Next step, see what happens with further testing. Testing and waiting are really difficult, as you've found out. That really stinks.

Once you have a treatement plan in place, things might seem a little better. Remember that a crisis can only last a few weeks or so, after that, things normalize somewhat. You will have a new normal, but you will adjust. You will all probably go through a grieving process while this plays out so you might want to refresh your memory about what that entails so when the emotions pop up, you'll recognize them for what they are and help others to do the same. (Shock, denial, anger [sometimes yelling], bargaining, eventual acceptance, etc., and these can go back and forth, not necessarily in order.) And as others have said, you will look at goals and figure out how your husband wants to move forward, however that may work once all the information is known.

I agree with a pp, including your teens in the process will be difficult, but they will adapt, and later be grateful that they had the chance to be a part of whatever journey you will all be on - together. (My kids were five when I was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, then turned six when I started a year's worth of treatment, but I still told them what was happening and included them in ways that I could, and they did great. Granted, younger, but I knew others with similar age kids who never even told them what was going on. From my perspective, it gave my kids a chance to help me, even in small ways, and I really think it helped shape who they are today in a lot of ways. Being open also gave others the chance to help us, which was hard for me, because I'm usually the care giver, but I realized during treatment it was necessary to accept help. It gave me the opportunity to Pay It Forward later.)

Thank you for keeping us updated. We can get bicker-y around here, but I've noticed when something serious like this happens, just like in real life, people tend to pull together and genuinely care about the situation and the people involved, such as yourself and your family right now, which is nice to see.

Take care, and know we'll be along on this journey with you! I am keeping you all in my prayers.

I second this. My mom had breast cancer when I was younger (I was 18 months when she was first diagnosed and 18 years when she died - a number of "bouts" with the disease in between). I used to sneak into their bathroom when they were out, copy down the names of the drugs she was one, and then research them in the library to try to figure out exactly what was going on and how sick she was. For me, part of it was thinking that I'd cause my parents too much stress if I asked too many questions.

This made me so sad! I'm sure they thought they were protecting you, though. I think much of the thinking is different today - hopefully.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, and I'm sending prayers and hugs. That must be awful for all of you, very scary.

I did want to share one piece of advice: Don't keep things from your kids. I am heavily involved in a non-profit which sends families with a sick parent (life-threatening illnesses) on trips. I've seen too many times parents choose to keep the truth from their children, and then things take unexpected turns and their children are left with no time to process. They think, at the time, they're helping, keeping them from not being stressed, but the reality is kids know whether you tell them or not. A therapist/social worker can help with words for this, how much to tell them, etc. But overall it's good to be honest with them in an age-appropriate way. They need time to work things out, just like us adults do.

DH lost his mom to cancer when he was a young teen, his older sisters (in their 20’s) knew, DH had no idea it was terminal until he was called out of school and told his mother died.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP, I’m so sorry. My mom passed a couple of years from esophageal cancer in her liver. She was such a healthy person who loved life. Cancer sucks.

ETA my mom needed a second biopsy for the same reason (biopsied her liver first, which showed the cancer didn’t originate there, they started treatment anyway and then changed it after the second one). At that time, it was frustrating, because we just wanted to get started ASAP.

 

[Snowflakey]

Pea n Me wrote it perfectly above. We are all here for you. Praying for your family. Live in the moment. Thank you for the updates. Can't stop thinking about all of you.

 

[rodeo65]

I'm overwhelmed with the support and that you all have continued to read and follow along. Thank you so much! I wish I could respond to each of you individually, but just simply don't have the capacity right now. I stayed home a little later this morning to try and get a few things done at home. It looks like a bomb hit it. Hard to imagine but my teenagers didn't miraculously turn into neat and tidy kids.

For the posters who have commented about including them - I have. They are fully aware of where things sit and what we are looking at. They also know that I will be asking more of them in terms of help around the house, more responsibility for their own needs - having had a stay at home mom for a number of years, they've grown accustomed to a level of "coddling" DH would say, I would call it support. In any case, they know that will be diminished. I also have felt very strongly about them not being sheltered from their father's diagnosis and what he is going through. When I was 18 my father was rushed to the hospital with an allergic reaction. I didn't know what was happening, just that he was in really bad shape. My mom wouldn't let me come and it was the next morning before I found out what was going on and if he had lived. That night is still so vivid and I never want my kids to go through something like that.

Ok, and now I'm off to the hospital again. As DH says - lets see what goodies are sent our way today.