Relative assumes he has rights to our cottage

[dish rag]

I would never be a part owner in a property or business with others. Figured that was common knowledge. Your problems with this are just beginning.

 

[DisneyOma]

Wow, you all have some crazy families! My husband's side of the family has a 120 year old cottage in the mountains that has been shared well for generations. He and his brothers and cousins are in the process of putting the property in a trust to simplify things, but it will be shared among the 5 of them, and the next generation (8 there) will also have easy access to the place. It's been handed down 3 generations so far, no issues. It can be done if adults act like adults.

 

[allison443]

I invited all my siblings to come up when we could find mutually convenient times over the summer. Due to friction between husband and some of them, only one took us up on the invite.

Sounds like this entitled brother is the only one who will tolerate being around your husband? Maybe that’s why you’re struggling with how to confront your brother about the issue. You are in a tough spot but definitely agree with others that you need to address this.

 

[dhardawa]

The word “no” is a complete sentence.

 

[ronandannette]

...i'm all for sharing a cottage with family if that's what you want to do but i wouldn't be sending out an email blast to folks that sounds allot like 'free lodging, just clear the dates with us'. that to me opens it up to being the expectation of being able to use it vs. the generous offering that it is. family knows it exists, if they want to use it they know to ask (i would hope-i like the idea of the security pad for entry so long as both owners are on the same page on giving it out).

I completely agree with this part. These people are your siblings, presumably, why not just a chat with each of them saying “If you’re ever up for some time at the cabin, just let us know and we’ll try to figure something out” and go from there on an ad hoc basis. No promises made, no firm precedents set and no need for some big declaration.

 

[littlejimmy]

not much to add other than your husband needs to take care of it. not you. I repeat, not you. or the things said about you behind your back will be stunning...

 

[focusondisney]

Sounds like this entitled brother is the only one who will tolerate being around your husband? Maybe that’s why you’re struggling with how to confront your brother about the issue. You are in a tough spot but definitely agree with others that you need to address this.

Or maybe the husband isn’t the problem. Maybe the OP’s siblings are all rude & overbearing & the husband doesn’t put up with the nonsense.

 

[focusondisney]

not much to add other than your husband needs to take care of it. not you. I repeat, not you. or the things said about you behind your back will be stunning...

It is the OP’s sibling....not the husband’s. The OP needs to deal with it, not her husband.

 

[littlejimmy]

It is the OP’s sibling....not the husband’s. The OP needs to deal with it, not her husband.

oh my bad

 

[tzolkin]

Wow, you all have some crazy families! My husband's side of the family has a 120 year old cottage in the mountains that has been shared well for generations. He and his brothers and cousins are in the process of putting the property in a trust to simplify things, but it will be shared among the 5 of them, and the next generation (8 there) will also have easy access to the place. It's been handed down 3 generations so far, no issues. It can be done if adults act like adults.

But in this situation, it's not really a "shared" property in the more communal sense that you're talking about. The OP owns 75% and one other person owns 25% so it's only "shared" between the two of them, not the entire extended family. The person the OP is having issues with does not own or share the property at all.

Could you imagine this happening if this was the OP's primary home? I can't imagine anyone even thinking about doing construction, building a dock, and staying at someone else's home without permission. So, to me, it definitely seems like this relative believes that they "own" or have rights to the property even though it legally belongs to the OP.

 

[allison443]

Or maybe the husband isn’t the problem. Maybe the OP’s siblings are all rude & overbearing & the husband doesn’t put up with the nonsense.

Maybe that’s the case, but regardless of the reasons it sounds like there’s only one sibling who wants to visit them at the cottage. And OP might be hesitant to alienate this last one. That’s all I was saying.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I just want to clarify, that I had said "share TIME" not share the property. That seems pretty clear.
Time is the only thing being offered.

And, I am not going to make any guess as to whether it is the OP's husband, or her siblings, causing any friction.
I would assume maybe both.
But, just sayin'... If the OP was comfortable offering her and her husband's cottage up to several of her relatives... Was her husband okay with this. IMHO my property is not my husband's families property. IMHO, I might have an issue if my inlaws seemed to feel such entitlement to my personal property. If the OP's husband was okay with this at the beginning, then I give him credit for that! At that point, with that kind of investment, this was not like an inheritance. The OP's husband was onboard with the investment, and as husband and wife, this is a 50/50 proposition.

I might also add that, OP, you might want to be sure you know any liabilities that might come along with people staying on the property.

 

[Searc]

I am so glad my MIL had it spelled out in her will what had to be done with her cottage. If no one wanted to purchase it, it had to be sold. If one of her children wanted to purchase it, the other 3 had to agree and their share bought out by the 4th. No co-owners, which is just asking for problems.

 

[Searc]

Wow, you all have some crazy families! My husband's side of the family has a 120 year old cottage in the mountains that has been shared well for generations. He and his brothers and cousins are in the process of putting the property in a trust to simplify things, but it will be shared among the 5 of them, and the next generation (8 there) will also have easy access to the place. It's been handed down 3 generations so far, no issues. It can be done if adults act like adults.

It's the OP's family, not her husband's.

 

[RedAngie]

What does the 25% co-owner have to say about this brother's idea?

 

[NYCgrrl]

My husband and I bought 75 percent of our aunt and uncle's cottage recently. I invited all my siblings to come up when we could find mutually convenient times over the summer. Due to friction between husband and some of them, only one took us up on the invite. Unfortunately he assumes that he has a "history" there (he went fishing a few times as a kid) and that history entitles him to keep a small boat there. The other owner is the youngest of the three cousins who inherited the place, and the only one who wanted to keep it in the family (hence our investment). He already has a boat up there. We bought a new dock last year intending to make it safer for fishing and swimming, but not necessarily to keep another boat tied up to it.
Brother's boat is old, needs a lot of repair, and last summer he angered our very kind, generous neighbors by arriving late at night and deciding he needed to work in the motor at midnight. (That's when the "I have history here" came out rather defiantly.) And now he's talking about investing a significant amount of money in repairs and building some sort of ramp at the cottage for the boat.
My husband is outraged and I'm baffled by brother's "entitled" behavior. I've never seen this side of him. We were happy to have him come up to fish, spend a week with SIL relaxing, etc. but his assumption that he can make these plans without asking stunnned me. Now I'm struggling to find the right words to defuse this. If we don't straighten this out before spring, things will get ugly.

I guess it's time for you to have a discussion with your brother about the property.
I have purchased property with family members successfully but we had the purchase and use agreements drawn up by attorneys to keep possible friction to a minimum. Your problem currently is different as your brother owns no part of the property but assumes he's still entitled to use it. I'd sit down with him and ask if he's interested in buying a part of the property (assuming other owners agree) interest in it and if he says no explain you appreciate his interest in it but have different plans and need him to remove the boat by a specific time frame or you'll need to turn the matter over to a lawyer. The end.
I will point out that I've family members that I would never go into business with since they seem to think their role as the youngest child still holds import despite being in their 50s, LOL.

GL.

 

[cabanafrau]

Allowing someone to make improvements, renovations or construct things on your property opens many cans of worms -- liability for injuries while working, liabilities of those visiting the property becoming injured, the potential of the improvements being used as a basis to file a construction lien against the property are just the start of a potentially long laundry list.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yeah OP I'd say honestly it's time to have this relative remove his boat from the dock and the understanding that no improvements are to be had no ifs ands or buts.

I kinda think if you keep allowing the boat to be stored there it will cause or continue to cause future problems. This way it would be clearer the invite (if you still want to allow them to stay at the cottage for the future) is for only being a guest rather than someone who is more like a part owner and can more reasonably have property stored there.

Even if you have majority ownership I would though say it might be good to discuss the situation, if you haven't already, with the minority owner. That could also lead to future issues if you y'all aren't on the same page as far as things done to the property.

 

[Heather07438]

I think you should invite brother over to discuss both your expectations. Neither of you fully know what the other expected, which leads to miscommunication and only fans the flames. Maybe his plans are not as bad as you thought, maybe worse. You need to know what he is thinking to address it properly. He needs to understand how you intended to use your property when you took on the responsibility.

If he's just looking for somewhere to launch his boat maybe an agreement can be arranged. In any circumstance, it's a good time to calmly draw the boundaries. If it gets too emotional, take a break and continue another day. Gives you both time to think about it with a clearer head.

 

[focusondisney]

I'd sit down with him and ask if he's interested in buying a part of the property (assuming other owners agree

I think owning property with a relative who is already disregarding others rights by acting independently with storing his boat; making plans to alter the property without discussions with the real owners & is inconsiderate of & angering the neighbors sounds like a real disaster in the making. If he isn’t asking the OP’s permission for boat storage & property alterations now, he will never care what they want if he actually gets part ownership.