Do you regret not having more kids?

[fly girl]

No. I think if you ask my husband he probably would say he wouldn't have objected one more, but he never ever pressured me. (I need to put that on the what you love about your SO thread.) We are blessed with one, and it was the right fit for our family.

OP, when I was in my early/mid 20's, children were not in my plans either. (At one point I really thought I didn't want a child.) And my husband, like your son, was too busy working on his career to look for a relationship until he was 31 years old. Your kids may reconsider, they have plenty of time. And if they don't, they don't!! Sounds like you are supportive of their choices and do not place pressure on them which is awesome.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

Our "kids" are 26 & 22 and they are wonderful, I could not love them more. Our daughter is in college, so she is home over her breaks and for summer. Our son just moved out last fall to start his 1st "real job" after grad school. I am starting to regret not having more kids. (I am turning 49 this year so that is NOT happening now!) I miss having them at home.

My son has informed me children are not even in his 10 year plan. He is not even in a serious relationship and has decided to go back to school to get his doctorate. My daughter has said she does not want to have kids. Obviously they have to do what is best for them. We have raised them to be self sufficient adults and they are doing good.

My husband and I own a small business, we are crazy busy. I would love to get a dog, but it would be at home alone toooo often.

I am starting to feel like we should have had 4 but in our 20's, 2 was the limit and I had no regrets then.

Is this just being an empty nester?

I feel your "pain"! My boys are 26 and 23! I had wanted a third, but was treated for cancer when my youngest was 2, so that ended that. (I have gone on to have cancer two more times, all different, and while my health is great, and my last diagnosis was 2011, it was best in that regard that we didn't have another.)

I loved every stage of them growing up! They were both three sport athletes and we never missed a game! (Unless they played at the same exact time, then I had to go to one or the other.) We were always on the go. They were both on travel hockey teams, so the winter months especially, we would be gone all weekend going to multiple games.

I loved having all of their friends over. I loved loading up the van in the summer with their friends and going to the lake, beach, mountains, amusement parks.

I truly miss those times. But, I also know that at my age, 52, I don't have the energy that I did when they were younger, and would never be able to keep up the pace.

In the last 5 years, after my youngest went to college, my husband and I have traveled a lot together. While, I would rather still have the four of us together on vacation, (which we have still done once a year) we have adapted to our new life.

I also have two grand nieces that are 5 and 2 and we are very close to them. That really helps!! In fact next week, the 5 year old will be on Feb. vacation and I am taking her to Chuckie Cheese one day!! Can't wait!! I will also take the 2 year old for a day too!

I am blessed to, that I am very close to my boys. In fact, last month, the four of us just spend 12 nights at Disney! In three weeks, my husband and I along with my youngest are going to Charleston SC, to the wedding of one of his buddies, who we are super close to.

So, in a nutshell, it is hard and I struggle, but am finding my way with travel, time spent with my little nieces and still having a close relationship with my boys that even though they are grown, will still find time to vacation with us and hang out with us.

I have considered looking into being a "big sister" type mentor to a child, but haven't taken the plunge.

 

[scrump]

I was an only child, and I LOVED it - I got everything there was to get. So I was perfectly happy thinking we would only have one.

We have two because DH has siblings and wanted our kids to have siblings. No regrets on not having another. I'm sure we would have loved it, had it happened, but we are super happy with what we have as well.

 

[L&Lfan]

We had zero kids and that was enough! We've always been able to live our best lives!

 

[Kitty 34]

We had three boys....that was enough. Many people use to ask if we would try for a girl. Nope. But we have three grandchildren; two are girls. We're good.

 

[MIGrandma]

Nope, we were blessed with a boy then a girl. Nothing left to have after that. . We were young parents, and never really minded being empty nesters. Our kids live locally so we’re very close and see each other often. We enjoy our grandchildren, and great grands too.

 

[MamaLema]

No. Mine are 23,21, and 16 and is more than enough for me.

 

[tinkerhon]

Nope - just regret the marriage - lol
Now a single dad of two, and have more respect for single parents than ever !

 

[tinkerhon]

Nope - just regret the marriage - lol
Now a single dad of two, and have more respect for single parents than ever !

 

[scrhsa]

Yes and no. I always wanted a big family. I have 3 girls. The youngest is now 21. I still have 2 at home. And my oldest has a verging toddler and another on the way. Sometimes I wish I had more so that my youngest would have had someone closer in age. They are all 3 yrs apart. But I am SO glad I am done with high school and teenagers! The thought of having to go through another highschool graduation sends me over the edge
I am really starting to enjoy this stage of my life. No responsibilities for my kids. They are adults and can take care of themselves! I am really enjoying the freedom of not having to schedule vacations etc around school activities. My whole life my identity has been wrapped up in my girls. I LOVED every minute of being a stay at home mom. And I really miss parts of what life was like as a young family. But like I said I am really starting to enjoy getting to know "me" again. I really thought I would have a very hard time facing the empty nest. Though, since I still have 2 at home, I've not really had to face it completely yet.

 

[Pooh2]

We've shared your feelings at times, OP. We thought about fostering but some health issues would make it challenging.
We now have 4 grandkids under the age of 3 so that is keeping us busy!
Maybe you could do respite care or other volunteer with kids?

 

[Renarr]

There was definitely a time where I would have been unhappy knowing I didn't have kids; now I wouldn't have had it any other way. Four years ago, some health issues came our way, and I can't imagine having children to take care of while going through those long-term issues. I know many do, but it was quite a relief not to be in that boat.

That being said, my mother definitely would have voted for us to have more, had she had a vote. (She did not.)

 

[nene0182]

Yes but we weren’t really given a choice. I have an almost 17 year old son from my first marriage. My husband and I tried for 8 years to have a child together but it just wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes I still think about adoption but I admit there are times I enjoy the thought of being 39 when my one and only graduates from HS.

 

[Nolcrest]

Yes, I regret not having more. We have 2 adult children. Way back when we went back and forth about whether or not to have a third. Back then my gut said if I was thinking about it so much then we shouldn't. As soon as I "aged out" I had wished we did in fact have another. Even more so now that neither of my children live near by. One lives across the country and the other lives 3 states away.

 

[quandrea]

We have three and I probably could have enjoyed a fourth, but I am content as we are. I had a singleton and then twins (by accident!) after sixteen miscarriages. My husband and I decided to close up shop after the twins came along—we didn’t know if things with me were “fixed” so to speak and we were getting older at 37 and 44.

My oldest is nearly sixteen now and the twins are nearly eleven. I’m enjoying watching them grow. Every stage has had its pleasures. I don’t long for a baby or the baby stuff, so I think our decision was sound.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Do you regret not having more kids?

Nope. We have one, and that's perfect for us! Neither DH nor I have a lot of what I call "social energy." I think the chaos of a large family would have done us in.

But one has been just right. And I love that we've been able to give him things we couldn't have afforded with more.

Is this just being an empty nester?

I think so. I've always heard that if you're not sure whether you should have another, you should "look around the dinner table and see whether anyone isn't there yet." If that had been the case, I think you would have felt it earlier. It's more likely just the adjustment to having them out on their own.

 

[sjberg79]

I only have 1, he's 6 now. We lost 4 other pregnancies so yes, we did want more. But life gives you what life gives you and you count your blessings where you can. We were lucky to have the one we got!

I wouldn't worry too much about your kids not "wanting" kids in their 20's. I didn't want kids in my 20's either. And then I met my husband when I was 27, and when I turned 30 that biological clock literally did turn on and it was all I could think about. You kids might end up wanting children, they may not. But if they are in their early 20's and say "never", I wouldn't take it as written in stone yet. Just a hunch from someone who said the same thing.

 

[aristocatz]

Our "kids" are 26 & 22 and they are wonderful, I could not love them more. Our daughter is in college, so she is home over her breaks and for summer. Our son just moved out last fall to start his 1st "real job" after grad school. I am starting to regret not having more kids. (I am turning 49 this year so that is NOT happening now!) I miss having them at home.

My son has informed me children are not even in his 10 year plan. He is not even in a serious relationship and has decided to go back to school to get his doctorate. My daughter has said she does not want to have kids. Obviously they have to do what is best for them. We have raised them to be self sufficient adults and they are doing good.

My husband and I own a small business, we are crazy busy. I would love to get a dog, but it would be at home alone toooo often.

I am starting to feel like we should have had 4 but in our 20's, 2 was the limit and I had no regrets then.

Is this just being an empty nester?

My children are still young, but I think about this from time to time. My only regret is not having enough money to raise more than my two. I would have loved to have a third child, but we can barely get by semi-comfortably with our two. I envy those who can afford (and have the work schedule) to have more than two.

 

[starry_solo]

Only for someone to find me when I pass away at 100!

 

[Colleen27]

Nope. My youngest was born to be a youngest, and I have nothing but relief that DH & I didn't give into our brief impulse, when she was a toddler, to give her a "close in age" sibling (our older two are 10 & 7 years older than the youngest). We both had that idea cross our minds, fortunately not at the same time, but deep down I think I always knew she was supposed to be our last.

But I'm also not sad about our emptying nest (yet?). My DS22 is still living at home while he saves for a down payment and has just started looking seriously for a first house. DD18 is away at college 2500 miles from home. But I'm loving the one-on-one time with DD11 as she navigates the craziness of middle school. Time will tell if I have any second thoughts years from now when she's getting ready to go out into the wide world, but I don't think it is likely.

ETA: I wouldn't worry too much about your kids saying they don't want kids at their ages. A lot of people think that when kids are an abstraction and college and career are the immediate reality, but many of them end up changing their minds with age, maturity, getting more settled and meeting the right person.