Spanking

[LSUmiss]

This paper is somewhat old, written in 1999, but it's a meta-analysis of 128 studies done on the effect of extrinsic rewards on intrinsic motivation.

http://jwalkonline.org/docs/Grad Classes/Fall 07/Org Psy/Cases/motivation articles/PERUSED/metaanalysis of extrinsic rewards.pdf

No I don’t disagree that there aren’t dissenting opinions like anything. But, best practices still says it works. And, I worked with hundreds of families over the years & anecdotally it worked all of the time that it was implemented properly & consistently. Praise can be a reward also. It doesn’t have to be something tangible. So many parents I saw pointed out the negative al the time but didn’t acknowledge the good. Some had the attitude that they’re not gonna praise or kids their for doing what they’re supposed to. Also, I think there is a misunderstanding of how it’s done. It’s basically just reframing punishment. You start with no privileges & earn them for good behavior vs punishment is you have certain privileges until you get them taken away for bad behavior. It actually also teaches kids that everything is earned.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

These people is one mother. And it's not riff raff. They are one of the closest most loving families I know.

You know what's horrible sick and disgusting abuse? Making a kid live in a dog kennel and barely feeding him and making him live in his own filth. Beating a child with a belt all over his/her body leaving horrible welts and bruises and even cuts. Beating a child similarly with an extension cord. "Teaching" a child not to touch the stove by burning his/her hand on it. Not allowing a hungry child to eat or a thirsty child to drink until they are physically sick. Punching a 6 year old in the mouth and knocking her teeth out. These are all calls that my dd's fiancé has been on. And not one of these people had any remorse for what they had done. Not one those things were done out of love or with love nor did the children feel love on another day.

The woman I was talking about used a belt in place of her hand. She hit them on the butt. Not the back, not the legs, or anywhere else.

So that makes it less abusive? No, just no. You need not throw out worse abuse to back up your claim that she was a loving mom. She was an abusive mother. Of course, there's always worse so that makes it ok.

 

[mummabear]

What would I do, likely nothing but judge.
As far as I am aware unlike here in NZ, spanking is not illegal in the US (and here they don’t actively prosecute).
I do however think it is an ineffective method.

 

[Pink Partridge]

who knew I was a child abuser because I have been known to pop my kids in the back of the head if they are acting up esp during church.

I truly could not imagine hitting a person on the head.

And if I was ever aware of someone that whipped their children, I would report them to Children and Youth. At the very least, the person doing the whipping could get some help. How deranged!

 

[bdcp]

We spanked our now 31 and 34 year old sons. Not often and no more than a swat or two on the behind and they are wonderful adults. There's a big difference between a swat and a beating and if some don't get that, then that's the problem. I think they each got swatted 5 or 6 times before they were 5 and it was ALWAYS safety related. I'd much rather pop them on the butt than have them run over by a car because they ran out in the street, or ate something poisonous because it hadn't been enforced enough. You can talk til you're blue in the face to a 3 year old, but they don't think the same way adults do, nor do they have the ability to reason the same way, no matter what some adults think.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Sometimes I think that the answer is in the middle somewhere.

I don't think you understand. There is no middle when you are whipping fellow human beings. You should not be rationalizing that. It is wrong. You don't whip people. You don't whip animals. End of story.

 

[LSUmiss]

We spanked our now 31 and 34 year old sons. Not often and no more than a swat or two on the behind and they are wonderful adults. There's a big difference between a swat and a beating and if some don't get that, then that's the problem. I think they each got swatted 5 or 6 times before they were 5 and it was ALWAYS safety related. I'd much rather pop them on the butt than have them run over by a car because they ran out in the street, or ate something poisonous because it hadn't been enforced enough. You can talk til you're blue in the face to a 3 year old, but they don't think the same way adults do, nor do they have the ability to reason the same way, no matter what some adults think.

I think that’s thing, though, I barely even consider that spanking. My issue is when ppl use belts or other items or slap their kids in the head or face or whatever.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Whipping a child with a belt is a horrible form of sick and disgusting abuse. And just don't go there how these people love their kids. Stupid riff raff.

I know plenty of people with advanced degrees who routinely used to spank kids with belts & paddles. The fact that the practice is no longer common doesn't in & of itself make someone "stupid" or "riff raff" if they still discipline in this manner. And no, I've never done it.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I know plenty of people with advanced degrees who routinely used to spank kids with belts & paddles. The fact that the practice is no longer common doesn't in & of itself make someone "stupid" or "riff raff" if they still discipline in this manner. And no, I've never done it.

Advanced degrees does not mean a person is not riff raff or stupid. It does mean they are abusive though.

 

[mummabear]

We spanked our now 31 and 34 year old sons. Not often and no more than a swat or two on the behind and they are wonderful adults. There's a big difference between a swat and a beating and if some don't get that, then that's the problem. I think they each got swatted 5 or 6 times before they were 5 and it was ALWAYS safety related. I'd much rather pop them on the butt than have them run over by a car because they ran out in the street, or ate something poisonous because it hadn't been enforced enough. You can talk til you're blue in the face to a 3 year old, but they don't think the same way adults do, nor do they have the ability to reason the same way, no matter what some adults think.

I think that parenting has changed a lot in the last 30 years. We now know better than to spank, research has shown it is not an effective method of discipline, frankly in this age it is lazy parenting.
I don’t spank my kids and I have managed to get them through toddlerhood understanding not to run in front of cars or eat poisionous things

 

[bdcp]

I think that parenting has changed a lot in the last 30 years. We now know better than to spank, research has shown it is not an effective method of discipline, frankly in this age it is lazy parenting.
I don’t spank my kids and I have managed to get them through toddlerhood understanding not to run in front of cars or eat poisionous things

Okay, whatever. I guess you are the perfect parent, but time will tell. Your choice, but don't tell me my choice was wrong. My 2 DS are wonderful, happy adults. They have no "issues" from the few times they were swatted on the butt.

I do love the "times have changed" crap that people spout. Times are always changing, but you need to understand that doesn't mean you know better. Having been a parent for 30+ years I can tell you for a fact that your way is not better, just different.

My mom has told me many times that when she was a child, she would have much rather had a spanking than her parents disapproval. The disapproval impacted her self-esteem a lot more. I feel the same way.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I know plenty of people with advanced degrees who .....

Rape, murder, steal, etc.

Advanced degrees mean nothing to me if you are doing awful things...like whipping your child.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Let's say a husband hits his wife upside the head. Just a tap. A pop, if you will. You know, to get her attention. Do the police come and say "It was just a smack upside your head, lady. It's not abuse."

Or a husband gets a belt and whips his wife in the behind. Or smacks her face to teach her a lesson. Is it no big deal?

How are children any different? And at what age do you stop hitting your child on the head? Or smacking them? Or whipping them? Is it ok for a father to put his 12 year old daughter over his lap and smack her bottom? What about his 17 year old daughter? Or son for that matter.

I just can't justify hitting people.

 

[low-key]

my parents and many of my teachers spanked me thru put my childhood, I hated it but yet now I pay good money for it

 

[Mizzoufan]

Let's say a husband hits his wife upside the head. Just a tap. A pop, if you will. You know, to get her attention. Do the police come and say "It was just a smack upside your head, lady. It's not abuse."

Or a husband gets a belt and whips his wife in the behind. Or smacks her face to teach her a lesson. Is it no big deal?

How are children any different? And at what age do you stop hitting your child on the head? Or smacking them? Or whipping them? Is it ok for a father to put his 12 year old daughter over his lap and smack her bottom? What about his 17 year old daughter? Or son for that matter.

I just can't justify hitting people.

Thankfully others see things differently

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Rape, murder, steal, etc.

Advanced degrees mean nothing to me if you are doing awful things...like whipping your child.

Oh, not just THEIR children - dozens of children. If you were a school principal in my youth, it was part of your duty. Kind of sad I had to actually come out and point out my reference to such advanced folks.

 

[EveDallas]

I just love all the perfect parents on this thread. No wonder I see so many out of control children every day.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I see it as a fad.

I just love all the perfect parents on this thread. No wonder I see so many out of control children every day.

I vote this as the best post on the thread.

You can believe all the "experts" in the field if you want but in the end we all know that just because someone has book smarts doesn't mean they have head smarts. Research can be swayed one way or the other just by their personal belief.

I was a child abuse victim of emotional, physical and mental abuse. I by no means turned out bad. I didn't "whip" my girls but I did a time or two swat. I didn't believe in the let's talk it over crap either. I am truly afraid for what is in store for the next generation.

 

[LSUmiss]

I see it as a fad.

I vote this as the best post on the thread.

You can believe all the "experts" in the field if you want but in the end we all know that just because someone has book smarts doesn't mean they have head smarts. Research can be swayed one way or the other just by their personal belief.

I was a child abuse victim of emotional, physical and mental abuse. I by no means turned out bad. I didn't "whip" my girls but I did a time or two swat. I didn't believe in the let's talk it over crap either. I am truly afraid for what is in store for the next generation.

Do you have the some opinion of the medical field about widely accepted medical treatments that research can be swayed & you know what’s best?

 

[LSUmiss]

I see it as a fad.

I vote this as the best post on the thread.

You can believe all the "experts" in the field if you want but in the end we all know that just because someone has book smarts doesn't mean they have head smarts. Research can be swayed one way or the other just by their personal belief.

I was a child abuse victim of emotional, physical and mental abuse. I by no means turned out bad. I didn't "whip" my girls but I did a time or two swat. I didn't believe in the let's talk it over crap either. I am truly afraid for what is in store for the next generation.

There are so so many things that contribute to the out-of-control kids we see now. Most can be summed with the basic selfishness & laziness of so many parents. It’s not b/c parents are talking things over with their kids or b/c kids aren’t spanked.