Wedding reception question

[disykat]

This is an odd statement. Being a guest at a wedding, meaning you are important to bride and/or groom, should not be any sort of inconvenience. My thoughts are these large huge weddings are a money grab and many of the 300 guests aren't that close to bride and groom so who cares if they are standing around with plate in their hand. And how cheap not to provide a venue to accommodate. This isn't Epcot Food and Wine (eat with my plate on top of trash can)....it's a wedding. If you can't afford a bigger venue then cut back your guest list and deal with getting less gifts. Just my opinion.

I think we're on the same side here??? IMO, the only people at a wedding should be happy to be there. Guest lists should reflect that and people who accept the invitation should reflect that.

I am opposite of you on the trash can eating though. (Yuck!) I wouldn't be willing to do it on a vacation I'd paid a lot of money for, but might be willing to in order to celebrate a wedding with people I love.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

I get that a buffet is cheaper, but I do not like having to go get my own food and it takes forever to have an entire party go through the line.
In my opinion, it disrupts the flow.
And open seating sounds messy - I have been to tons of weddings - and have never seen that.

Actually, in many cases the buffet ends up being more expensive per head. In our case, it was significantly more than a seated plated dinner and as it was explained to us, it's because with a buffet that account for more food per person (2nd trips, larger serving sizes, etc). But that was 18 years ago...

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I get that a buffet is cheaper, but I do not like having to go get my own food and it takes forever to have an entire party go through the line.
In my opinion, it disrupts the flow.
And open seating sounds messy - I have been to tons of weddings - and have never seen that.

Buffets taking longer or shorter in my opinion depends actually on how the seating is done.

Assigned tables and called in a specific order for your turn up at the buffet take FOREVER in my opinion

Assigned tables or open seating and just an announcement that you are able to get food and it takes a lot less time.

By far the most amount of time I have spent waiting for food is when food is served by waiters/waitresses to your table and it's all plated (assigned seating or open seating and if opening seating this is where you would have a name card usually color coded with what food option you chose so the waiters/waitresses knew what plate to put down). One time we spent 50mins waiting for our food after the first table (outside of the wedding party's table that is) started being served.

As far as disruption in flow...never has happened to me as far as I could tell at the weddings I've been to with open seating and a buffet. Now disruption in flow has happened nearly everytime with plated service at assigned seating simply because you're waiting and waiting and waiting for food to get to your table or for your table to be called to go up to the buffet if there is one and then all of a sudden you're trying to eat and then the toats start or the cutting of the cake starts or the first dance starts.

 

[mjkacmom]

The only wedding I've been to without assigned seating was mine. Our reception was at a historic mansion that was sentimental to us. It was a heavy cocktail reception, and there was enough seating, several rooms, big porch, and a tent in the back with seating and the dance floor. Most of our friends stayed by the dance floor/dj, and the older folks were closer to the front, where it was quieter, and family and friends could talk.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I have noticed something at the last two weddings I attended and wonder if this is becoming the norm or if it is even OK. Both receptions were formal and fairly large of about 300 people. The wedding food was buffet style. At both there were some tables marked reserved for members of the bride and grooms extended families. I would expect to see reserved tables for immediate family but tables were reserved for cousins, aunts and uncles. The rest of the guests and even the bridesmaids and groomsmen were expected to fend for themselves in open seating. And, of course, there was not enough seating for everyone. In one case the bridesmaids came in a few minutes late because of photos and were left wandering looking for a place to sit. Very awkward! I understand seating elderly but when you go beyond that it looks like some guests are more important than others. Of course maybe they are but it doesn't seem right to make it so obvious. Is this the new norm?

Never been to a full meal reception where there wasn't enough seating. Depending on the size of the tables, who has seats reserved and who doesn't can vary a bit. But I've never been to one where there wasn't enough room for everyone to sit. Who wants to eat standing up? I've been to some that were just snacks and appetizers type deal that didn't have quite enough seats. But not everyone wanted to sit down at once so that kind of worked out ok.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Buffets taking longer or shorter in my opinion depends actually on how the seating is done.

Assigned tables and called in a specific order for your turn up at the buffet take FOREVER in my opinion

Assigned tables or open seating and just an announcement that you are able to get food and it takes a lot less time.

By far the most amount of time I have spent waiting for food is when food is served by waiters/waitresses to your table and it's all plated (assigned seating or open seating and if opening seating this is where you would have a name card usually color coded with what food option you chose so the waiters/waitresses knew what plate to put down). One time we spent 50mins waiting for our food after the first table (outside of the wedding party's table that is) started being served.

As far as disruption in flow...never has happened to me as far as I could tell at the weddings I've been to with open seating and a buffet. Now disruption in flow has happened nearly everytime with plated service at assigned seating simply because you're waiting and waiting and waiting for food to get to your table or for your table to be called to go up to the buffet if there is one and then all of a sudden you're trying to eat and then the toats start or the cutting of the cake starts or the first dance starts.

Nothing is worse than when you haven't even gotten your food yet and they're cutting the cake. Happened to us. And of course the food wasn't even hot when it arrived and was obviously pre plated and sat. Most of it was left on plates. Our table went out to a hamburger place afterwards.

 

[aprilgail]

Ds got married 3 weeks ago. The set up was buffet style with only tables of 10 reserved for both families and a table for the bridal party.

There were 250 people there and not enough seating for all. Some of the tables were high tops- standing only.

When I saw the layout the week before the wedding, I knew that seating would be an issue. But ds said that was all the seating/tables the venue had.

It was my only disappointment of the whole day.

There is no way I would be standing at a high top table for 4-5 hours for a wedding reception! Why in the world would they not choose a place that could accommodate all the people they invited??

If I hadn't found a seat, I would be leaving. Sorry, not going to stand while I eat.

And, no I have never been to a wedding where there wasn't enough seating. (I have been to a wedding where there wasn't enough food.)

I agree! I have never been to a wedding that didn't have assigned seats- even bridal showers have assigned seats! To me that is just lazy that they couldn't even bother figuring out a seating plan. I am not going to stand up while I am eating like a happy hour in a bar LOL!

 

[design_mom]

I get that a buffet is cheaper, but I do not like having to go get my own food and it takes forever to have an entire party go through the line..

It wasn't my experience that buffets were a money-saving option. I know at our reception, the buffet was pretty much the same price as a plated dinner. However, with the buffet, we got to choose a lot more food options than if we'd chosen plated meals. (I guess for the buffet, you're paying for more food but less service. WIth plated, you're paying for more service, and less food.) We decided our guests would prefer more options and/or the ability to choose how much of each item they wanted to take, so we went with the buffet.

As a somewhat picky 20-something at the time, I much preferred weddings with buffets. Now, as a 45-year-old, I'd rather have someone bring me my food and I'll eat whatever. ;-)

 

[FlyingBelle]

I'm from Chicago area and used to the big Italian weddings with multi-course sit-down meals and a huge dessert table/room after the cake. I had never been to a wedding (even buffets) that did not have assigned seating until....

A few years ago my mom and I flew to Dallas for a wedding of one of her cousin's daughters. There were only a few of us representing the father of the bride's family as most of us are in Chicago. Most of them took the shuttle from the hotel so they didn't have to drive.

Well... after the beautiful, elaborate church ceremony, we all went to the banquet hall - which was a building in the middle of an industrial complex that housed just two banquet rooms (with a small prep kitchen) and bathrooms. When we arrived, we noticed it wasn't assigned seating - except one table said "reserved for father of the bride family" - which we assumed (correctly) was us and we sat down.

The bridal party arrived and they launched right into a dance party. There was a beautiful head table, but I never saw anyone from the bridal party sit down. The DJ started playing dance music, and they made an announcement that the buffet was open and special drinks available at the bars.

So we got our food, sat down and ate... and 20 minutes later we were all sitting there wondering what to do? We're used to long speeches by everyone and their brother so that at least a hour or two pass before we even get our food. Here we are, 30 minutes in, and we're done eating.

It was obvious that there weren't going to be any formalities, so we went to get cake - which was cupcakes. Some of my family was too afraid to get a cupcake without being invited, but we took a few from the back of the display anyway. Of course my mom and uncle need coffee with cake... no coffee! It was never ordered with the catering package. My mom and uncle tried sneaking into the other banquet room for coffee, but opted not to.

I danced for a little while, but felt bad for my relatives (ages 60+) who had flown in for the wedding and were essentially trapped there. At 8pm they were done eating and dessert, only loud dance music, and the shuttle wasn't picking anyone up until 10pm.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging my cousins' choices for her wedding. It was just unfortunate that guests weren't given a good expectation of the differences from what we're used to.

We're also used to just giving money in a card, for years I never saw anyone actually bring a wrapped gift to a wedding. Until college when I went to a wedding in Wisconsin, where they not only gave wrapped gifts, but they stopped the dancing for an hour and went on the dance floor to open them all. The bride told me later she thought it was odd I gave her a card with cash - she thought I was being lazy - and I thought it was odd when she was surprised that I hadn't planned time during my reception to open gifts (of which she gave me a lovely homemade item).

I think we all come in to weddings (and other events/experiences) with expectations based on what we know. I've now learned to expect anything and go with the flow. If that's what the bride and groom chose, then I support their decisions - it's their day, not mine.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I'm from Chicago area and used to the big Italian weddings with multi-course sit-down meals and a huge dessert table/room after the cake. I had never been to a wedding (even buffets) that did not have assigned seating until....

A few years ago my mom and I flew to Dallas for a wedding of one of her cousin's daughters. There were only a few of us representing the father of the bride's family as most of us are in Chicago. Most of them took the shuttle from the hotel so they didn't have to drive.

Well... after the beautiful, elaborate church ceremony, we all went to the banquet hall - which was a building in the middle of an industrial complex that housed just two banquet rooms (with a small prep kitchen) and bathrooms. When we arrived, we noticed it wasn't assigned seating - except one table said "reserved for father of the bride family" - which we assumed (correctly) was us and we sat down.

The bridal party arrived and they launched right into a dance party. There was a beautiful head table, but I never saw anyone from the bridal party sit down. The DJ started playing dance music, and they made an announcement that the buffet was open and special drinks available at the bars.

So we got our food, sat down and ate... and 20 minutes later we were all sitting there wondering what to do? We're used to long speeches by everyone and their brother so that at least a hour or two pass before we even get our food. Here we are, 30 minutes in, and we're done eating.

It was obvious that there weren't going to be any formalities, so we went to get cake - which was cupcakes. Some of my family was too afraid to get a cupcake without being invited, but we took a few from the back of the display anyway. Of course my mom and uncle need coffee with cake... no coffee! It was never ordered with the catering package. My mom and uncle tried sneaking into the other banquet room for coffee, but opted not to.

I danced for a little while, but felt bad for my relatives (ages 60+) who had flown in for the wedding and were essentially trapped there. At 8pm they were done eating and dessert, only loud dance music, and the shuttle wasn't picking anyone up until 10pm.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging my cousins' choices for her wedding. It was just unfortunate that guests weren't given a good expectation of the differences from what we're used to.

We're also used to just giving money in a card, for years I never saw anyone actually bring a wrapped gift to a wedding. Until college when I went to a wedding in Wisconsin, where they not only gave wrapped gifts, but they stopped the dancing for an hour and went on the dance floor to open them all. The bride told me later she thought it was odd I gave her a card with cash - she thought I was being lazy - and I thought it was odd when she was surprised that I hadn't planned time during my reception to open gifts (of which she gave me a lovely homemade item).

I think we all come in to weddings (and other events/experiences) with expectations based on what we know. I've now learned to expect anything and go with the flow. If that's what the bride and groom chose, then I support their decisions - it's their day, not mine.

That sounds like my kind of wedding!

I just went to a wedding last weekend and it was the ceremony of about 20 minutes, cocktail hour, introducing the couple, first dance, mother/son dance, father/daughter dance, very quick MOH and best man speeches (3 minutes each), the to the buffet to eat and then we danced, drank and partied the night away. Then afterwards we all hit another club and bar and partied until 4 am.

 

[cabanafrau]

The only wedding I've been to without assigned seating was mine. Our reception was at a historic mansion that was sentimental to us. It was a heavy cocktail reception, and there was enough seating, several rooms, big porch, and a tent in the back with seating and the dance floor. Most of our friends stayed by the dance floor/dj, and the older folks were closer to the front, where it was quieter, and family and friends could talk.

That sounds like an amazing wedding party!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging my cousins' choices for her wedding. It was just unfortunate that guests weren't given a good expectation of the differences from what we're used to.

I'm not sure it's a responsibility to give guests a good expectations of the differences...way to many things to even account for.

That being said this is what we handed out as programs for our wedding. We did this ourselves but took the idea off of Pinterest. The green and blue were our wedding colors:



Now our program was not a formal one. It was a fun, playful one so that's why it included what it did. We didn't have a play by play for after the ceremony though nor would we have done that at all-almost sounds like you wanted your cousin to do that giving you guys a play by play of what's supposed to happen at the reception. After our ceremony was done guests were to go to the bar area (which was on the same floor as the ceremony) while the crew flipped the room for the reception. The wedding party went upstairs so my train on my dress was able to be put up, the marriage certificate was being signed, and we waited til we got the signal it was time to start to go downstairs for the reception to actually start.

 

[AppleDumpling]

I think we all come in to weddings (and other events/experiences) with expectations based on what we know. I've now learned to expect anything and go with the flow. If that's what the bride and groom chose, then I support their decisions - it's their day, not mine.

I totally agree with you. Of course the bride and groom should choose the style of wedding that suits their taste and budget. However, that doesn't mean that they give no thought to the needs of their guests. If you attend an event where food is served, I think there is a reasonable expectation that you will be able to sit down somewhere; that's just common courtesy.

 

[gotomu212]

I get that a buffet is cheaper, but I do not like having to go get my own food and it takes forever to have an entire party go through the line.
In my opinion, it disrupts the flow.
And open seating sounds messy - I have been to tons of weddings - and have never seen that.

We've actually switched to buffets for all our luncheons (formal service organization I belong to) because we cannot get plated food for 150 people served in under 45 minutes. We frequent many different formal venues which cater all kinds of large events and no one can get plates out that fast--plus the food options are limited by what can be plated in a reasonable amount of time.

Buffets if done well with multiple service areas can be nicely done and are a lot faster. However they are NOT cheaper.

 

[disykat]

You assume that people would leave because they were mad or angry.

I would leave. But not because I was angry. Because standing for 4 hours isn't something that I can do.

I look perfectly healthy, albeit overweight. But I have Lupus and RA.

So, yes, I would leave. And I don't think there is anything odd about it.

Good grief. I didn't call you odd. I'm not making assumptions about your reasons. The people I was talking about made blanket statements that they would choose to leave because they wanted to sit. (or didn't like the food, or didn't get served alcohol, or whatever other reasons I've heard on the DIS in past discussions.) They did not say they had to leave because they were unable to stand. I've had to leave events I wanted to be at before because of fragrances, discomfort, or other reasons having to do with my health or well being. To me, that's totally different than making a statement that I would to leave because something doesn't meet my standards.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I guess my thought is that it is inconvenient and embarrassing that there isn't enough seating and it certainly indicates a problem in the planning, but if a guest is MAD about it I think it's too bad they were invited in the first place.

My preference is assigned seating if it's a sit down meal. That makes it easier for me as a guest. However, as a guest I'll go with the flow and do whatever. I wouldn't accept the invitation if I wasn't willing to be a bit inconvenienced. I only go if I truly want to be there. (or if DH really wants to be there and I'm going with him!)

I'm always surprised by the "I'd leave" or "I'd cut the size of my gift" type posts on the DIS. Sure, I get "I wish they'd planned better" posts like the OP started here, but being annoyed enough to want to leave or take back your gift seems really odd to me.

Are you really going to blame the guest for being upset that they were invited to a wedding and expected a place to sit at the reception?

I think it's nervy of the bride and groom to have seating for themselves and select family members and not for the rest of the people they invited, i.e., guests.

When you book a place you know full well how many people it will hold. If they did not have enough seating for all of the guests they invited to the wedding, then they should have included that tidbit of information in the invitation.

Then if a guest didn't want to play musical chairs they had the option of not attending or maybe they could have brought along a lawn chair and maybe one of those folding tables you bring to tail gate parties with them.

Btw, if I was presented with this situation, I would have left the wedding.

 

[FlyingBelle]

I'm not sure it's a responsibility to give guests a good expectations of the differences...way to many things to even account for.

Sorry, I should have been more clear. I didn't expect the bride or groom to let everyone know what to expect. However, the father of the bride should have let his few family members coming in from out of town know what to expect, given he grew up with the same expectations as we did, and a club-style dance party probably wouldn't be what we were expecting. I know at least some of them would have reconsidered bringing their own car and not relying on the hotel shuttle.

I should add... at least most of the local guests did get information on the reception that we didn't. At one point during the reception they did that Harlem Shake - where the music stops and everyone dove under the table to grab a costume and then they went back to dancing. we had NO IDEA what was happening when guests came out from under the tables in elaborate costumes (including the bride and groom). My table was just looking around with blank expressions of "What on earth am I looking at????"

 

[Ciao Mickey]

Just when I thought I've heard/read it all...

 

[NHdisneylover]

As far as the OP goes---the closest I have seen to that was for my sister in law's wedding in Hawaii. They had a huge "everyone is invited" rehearsal dinner the night before -- I think it cost more than the wedding and everyone who was at one was at the other, minus the 4 children at the wedding.
Seating was all assigned- The bride and groom included her parents (he is estranged from his), his brother and brother's wife and her brother and sister. Myself and her sister's husband were not included at that table. In fact, we were seated at what seemed to be an "overflow" table around a corner from everyone else. Given that I was heavily pressured by the bride to leave my kids with a 13 year old babysitter I had never met instead of staying back and wathcing them and my nieces, I was not thrilled by this. BUT everyone had some assigned seating.
Otherwise I have only seen either all assigned or all open. Personally I prefer all open so peopel are encouraged to meet one another, but either is fine.

If there was as meal served to all at aout the same time it is really not right that there was not enough seating--I agree with others in wondering if people failed to RSVP and hten showed up (I guess assigned seating would help keep those people from taking space meant for those who RSVPd).

To the rest of the thread and talking about bar tables, not seats for every person, etc: Have you seen this at weddings with one set mealtime (versus a more free form appetiezers nad dessert, cocktail party type thing?)? I've only seen it in situations where the assumption is not everyone would be choosing to sit down at hte same moment anyway. In which case, there should be adequate seating forall to sit when they choose---unless someone is rudely "holöding" a place at a table all ngith even when up mingling or dancing, etc. In that case, it's not the hosts who are rude but the guests who do so.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Sorry, I should have been more clear. I didn't expect the bride or groom to let everyone know what to expect. However, the father of the bride should have let his few family members coming in from out of town know what to expect, given he grew up with the same expectations as we did, and a club-style dance party probably wouldn't be what we were expecting.

I gotcha. I haven't been to a wedding period where people gave expectations of the reception indepthly (there have been a variety of ways people have done them) but I do understand it seems there was a normal way for your families.

I can understand from a guest stand point how it may be confusing if there is a norm for your families but at the same time I get why there isn't a whole "so first we'll do this and then next is this and then after that is this" talk regardless of who is giving the talk (i.e. the couple, the mother of the bride, the father of the groom, even a program for a reception).

It could be your mom's cousin's daughter's either didn't know about the normal way you guys do it in your family or they wanted to branch out and doing things in a more modern way differently than other members of her family had done it. I don't mean modern in a bad way I just mean not in a traditional, this is the way it's been done for X amount of time, way.