Wedding reception question

[lovin'fl]

I wouldn't accept the invitation if I wasn't willing to be a bit inconvenienced.

This is an odd statement. Being a guest at a wedding, meaning you are important to bride and/or groom, should not be any sort of inconvenience. My thoughts are these large huge weddings are a money grab and many of the 300 guests aren't that close to bride and groom so who cares if they are standing around with plate in their hand. And how cheap not to provide a venue to accommodate. This isn't Epcot Food and Wine (eat with my plate on top of trash can)....it's a wedding. If you can't afford a bigger venue then cut back your guest list and deal with getting less gifts. Just my opinion.

 

[design_mom]

Open seating doesn't bother me. Lack of seating would.

We had open seating with a buffet when we got married (21+ years ago now). There were reserved tables for the bridal party and their dates, the parents, and the grandparents. I asked the venue to set 10% more seats than our RSVP number (an extra 10-top) so latecomers wouldn't have to split up their party if there were 2 seats left at this table and 1 seat left at that one. We also had a few no-shows, so we had plenty of seating.

 

[pooh4evr]

Sorry, we had open seating, with a buffet, and a head table and a couple of tables for our parents and grandparents. We probably didn't have enough seats because people showed up who didn't rsvp. We ended up with over the 300 people we expected (We both have very large families) But we also had an open bar, so by the end of the night I don't think anyone cared if they had a seat or not.

 

[ronandannette]

This is an odd statement. Being a guest at a wedding, meaning you are important to bride and/or groom, should not be any sort of inconvenience. My thoughts are these large huge weddings are a money grab and many of the 300 guests aren't that close to bride and groom so who cares if they are standing around with plate in their hand. And how cheap not to provide a venue to accommodate. This isn't Epcot Food and Wine (eat with my plate on top of trash can)....it's a wedding. If you can't afford a bigger venue then cut back your guest list and deal with getting less gifts. Just my opinion.

I just totally disagree that the only reason anybody invites anybody else to a party is so that they'll receive a gift from them. I had never even heard of that idea until the DIS.

I think weddings can be particularly tough when it comes to limiting a guest list. There can be so many people you want to share the day with and so many more that feel like they want to have a part in it. I think it's way more about family expectations, social obligation and ettiquite than a cold, calculated "gift-grab".

 

[prprincess]

I prefer assigned seating, to be honest with you. Only because if it's a family member's affair, they usually know who to seat me with (my sister, mother, etc.). If it's a friend and I don't know many of the other guests, then open seating is fine. But to not have adequate seating...yeah, that's a huge problem. You wouldn't want people to have to stand around and eat or eat at some random chair against a wall.

 

[pryncess527]

This is an odd statement. Being a guest at a wedding, meaning you are important to bride and/or groom, should not be any sort of inconvenience. My thoughts are these large huge weddings are a money grab and many of the 300 guests aren't that close to bride and groom so who cares if they are standing around with plate in their hand. And how cheap not to provide a venue to accommodate. This isn't Epcot Food and Wine (eat with my plate on top of trash can)....it's a wedding. If you can't afford a bigger venue then cut back your guest list and deal with getting less gifts. Just my opinion.

Yeah, I think in that case, the poster you quoted simply would not have RSVPd yes in the first place. I believe her point was that they only attend weddings if they are close enough to them to cut them some slack for what is obviously a mistake in planning. If I thought a wedding was a cash grab, I wouldn't be there in the first place.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Don't know. Haven't seen ds to discuss details like that-whirlwind of activity for all of us these last 3 weeks. Wedding was not in our home town. It was in the bride's an hour away. Groom's family doesn't get to make these decisions on venue, etc.

I know the bride and her family relied on a wedding planner

Ahh I see.

I know tradition is bride's family this and that. Though my husband and I made decisions together for our wedding.

I'm just trying to honestly figure out how or why a couple would willing choose to have (edited out #-not sure if that was correct #) guests intentionally stand during reception rather than finding a venue that can accommodate all or cut the guest list down prior to inviting more than the venue can handle.

These are just my ramblings out loud here though.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

As the mother of 2 sons I do not look forward to the day when they begin planning their weddings. I can't imagine the grief I might have caused my then future MIL for not including her in our wedding planning back in the day. I was a 19/20 year old bride and very much intent on having our wedding the way I wanted it since dh and I were paying for it. I feel bad for it now that I have 2 sons myself and I know my oldest sons girlfriend, if he marries her, won't bother to include us in any planning. She is a bit a an odd duck and I can only the imagine the wedding she would plan.....
(I know that sounds horrible, believe me, but I am not a fan of her's to be honest).

For our wedding 25 years ago and I had enough seating for everyone that rsvp'd. We had a whole family show up that never RSVP'd and I didn't invite their whole family - only the adults but we didn't have a table for them so we had to scramble to get them a table, chairs, place settings etc. We had a family style dinner served which I loved and we had assigned seating as well. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I couldn't imagine not having enough seating or not being able to get extra chairs/tables etc if you needed them.

 

[smiths02]

I guess my thought is that it is inconvenient and embarrassing that there isn't enough seating and it certainly indicates a problem in the planning, but if a guest is MAD about it I think it's too bad they were invited in the first place.

My preference is assigned seating if it's a sit down meal. That makes it easier for me as a guest. However, as a guest I'll go with the flow and do whatever. I wouldn't accept the invitation if I wasn't willing to be a bit inconvenienced. I only go if I truly want to be there. (or if DH really wants to be there and I'm going with him!)

I'm always surprised by the "I'd leave" or "I'd cut the size of my gift" type posts on the DIS. Sure, I get "I wish they'd planned better" posts like the OP started here, but being annoyed enough to want to leave or take back your gift seems really odd to me.

Yes, that is strange, its 4 hours usually at some point people need a seat.

At both my kids wedding at the cocktails hours, there was not chairs for everyone and I didn't like that. Especially for women with heels on.
At my son's wedding this past April, I asked the venue manager to please get some extra chairs, she had them there without issue. The cocktail hour was in a huge atrium room, no reason for someone to stand when theres a big place.

If I'm in a fancy dress and heels, and I was expecting dinner...I really can't just eat while standing there. I'm not elderly or unable to stand, but that would get old fast. I wouldn't change the gift or leave immediately, but it would be unpleasant for me, and I would consider leaving early to go somewhere to eat and sit.

ETA: Depending on how tacky I would look, I might sit on a ledge, the floor, or take off my heels. If the venue, event, people are too fancy for that lack of social grace (but not fancy enough to give me a chair and table)....then I might just leave.

 

[RedAngie]

Open seating doesn't bother me. Lack of seating would.

We had open seating with a buffet when we got married (21+ years ago now). There were reserved tables for the bridal party and their dates, the parents, and the grandparents. I asked the venue to set 10% more seats than our RSVP number (an extra 10-top) so latecomers wouldn't have to split up their party if there were 2 seats left at this table and 1 seat left at that one. We also had a few no-shows, so we had plenty of seating.

Exactly. If one plans for an open seating reception, one needs to provide MORE seats than the number of guests expected to account for the inevitable scattered single seats left open at various tables.

For the 300 person reception in the first post, I'd say a minimum of 20 extra seats are required.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Wedding customs are definitely regional. I've never attended a wedding where there was insufficient seating or "open seating". At the cocktail hour, yes, often there are limited tables and chairs, and some people just stand in groups or there may be some high-top tables. But not at the main part of the reception. I've been to a few that had buffets, but the majority are full multi-course plated meals with open bar, and you are assigned to a table.

IMO, it is very inconsiderate to your guests to not provide adequate seating. I can't imagine standing the whole time and having to juggle a plate and drink. Or as someone suggested upthread, maybe you are expected to take turns sitting at tables after getting your food from a buffet?

At my wedding, we even had an extra table off to the side for the photographers and musicians to take a short break and eat. (The venue charged us a much lower rate for a "vendor's meal"- also common in this area.)

 

[princesspiglet]

That is very strange to me to not have enough seating for everyone. If that was me and I couldn't find a seat to eat, I probably wouldn't stick around too long! My wedding was back in the stone ages (1996) and I had close to 275 people...but I made sure there was enough seating for 300 because I knew some people would bring "extras". No assigned seating and buffet style with different stations. I saw people standing by choice, but I had plenty of open seats.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I wonder if there truly weren't enough seats or if they were just one at this table, one at that table, so couples couldn't find sears together. Or if people didn't realize that there was a shortage of seats so they put their purse in a chair next to them.

It is so interesting to read about how regionally different weddings are. I've NEVER been to a wedding with assigned seating and others say hey NEVER been to one without.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Assigned seating is not always the case... And, often isn't necessary.
I would never presume to tell every guests where they would be placed, and who they would sit next to!!!

Adequate seating, IMHO, would be mandatory.

I am really questioning the situation, because, I would imagine that any reputable venue would be contracted to provide food and drink for a fairly specific head count.
Of course, I was not there, and have absolutely no idea... But I do suspect that the person(s) who planned this reception way under-reported the estimated guests, in order to cut costs and to try get out of paying.

Funny, back in the stone ages... I had a small family and close friends wedding and reception. It was a fairly simple buffet luncheon.
We had been honest with the number of people expected.
Some witch woman working there actually tried to come up and ask us to pay for another punch-bowl, as it was running low!!!!
Lovely thing to do to a bride...

I hadn't planned for coffee, at a luncheon.
Ends up my DH's family are coffee drinkers... I found out later that DH's uncle slipped one staff member some money and requested that they set up a pot of coffee!!!

 

[Hikergirl]

Assigned seating is not always the case... And, often isn't necessary.
I would never presume to tell every guests where they would be placed, and who they would sit next to!!!

I've never been to a wedding that did not have assigned seating. You aren't told who to sit next too, you are just assigned a table, and because alot of thought goes into seating arrangements you are usually sitting with people who you know. So, you don't have to sit next to a specific person if you don't want too.

I do think open seating is a great option because in my experience most people mingle an really only stay at their assigned table to eat their meal. I would rather find my own seat than be stuck somewhere I didn't want to be, but its really isn't all that bad, because you an get up and mingle, you aren't obligated to stay seated at your table all night.

 

[mom2rtk]

This could be fun if they tweaked it a bit and ran it as a big game of musical chairs.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I'm always surprised by the "I'd leave" or "I'd cut the size of my gift" type posts on the DIS. Sure, I get "I wish they'd planned better" posts like the OP started here, but being annoyed enough to want to leave or take back your gift seems really odd to me.

You assume that people would leave because they were mad or angry.

I would leave. But not because I was angry. Because standing for 4 hours isn't something that I can do.

I look perfectly healthy, albeit overweight. But I have Lupus and RA.

So, yes, I would leave. And I don't think there is anything odd about it.

 

[gillep]

You assume that people would leave because they were mad or angry.

I would leave. But not because I was angry. Because standing for 4 hours isn't something that I can do.

I look perfectly healthy, albeit overweight. But I have Lupus and RA.

So, yes, I would leave. And I don't think there is anything odd about it.

My husband was still recovering from breaking his foot in 3 places at the last wedding we attended, so that, combined with the fact that he was in dress shoes, would have made standing for any prolonged period of time an absolute no go. He wasn't required to wear his boot any longer, so it wouldn't have even been obvious to others that there was an issue.

Even absent some circumstance that makes standing for a prolonged period a problem, most weddings I have been to have served meals like prime rib, or stuffed chicken breast, and there is zero way that I would be able to eat that without a knife, fork, and table.

 

[MIGrandma]

I've never been to a wedding where they didn't have enough seating for everyone at the reception. And all the weddings I've been to have been open seating, except our DD and her DH did have the head table for themselves and their attendants and then had tables for immediate family but everyone else just sat wherever they wanted to. I don't think I'd care to have it all assigned seating, it's more enjoyable to be able to choose who you want to sit with, and talk to. The last wedding we went to the bride and groom had a small table to themselves, I think they called it a "sweetheart table" then open seating for everyone else.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I get that a buffet is cheaper, but I do not like having to go get my own food and it takes forever to have an entire party go through the line.
In my opinion, it disrupts the flow.
And open seating sounds messy - I have been to tons of weddings - and have never seen that.