I truly think both my husband and I would be happy either way, but he decided first that he wanted a kid. I don't know what shifted in him...he just decided he was ready. I took a little more convincing, but seeing how content he seemed with his decision (thus how ready HE was) pushed me in that direction. Then I found this article on another board and really reading it and really thinking about it helped me a lot:
http://therumpus.net/2011/04/dear-s...column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/
And FWIW with the "selfish" and rude comments...you'll get them no matter what your situation is. Awhile back we told my mom we thought we'd stop after 1 kid and she told us THAT was selfish ("give them a sibling!" - note that my husband is an only child, so she inadvertently called my in-laws, who are lovely people that she gets along with well, selfish - right in front of my husband!). So I guess we aren't doing the "correct" thing unless we have at least 2 kids? Then we told our families we were expecting a baby (currently 16 weeks) and while we did get congratulations and happy tears, we also got "FINALLY!" and "I'd given up!"-type comments. Those stung a lot and I've since made it known that those comments are unacceptable going forward.
It's like the potentially child-bearing years are just full of rude questions...when will you have a kid, then when will you have the next kid, potentially why do you have so many kids, etc.